The Beatles - In My Life

I know I just blogged music, but I couldn't do anything else today.  I thought about going with some quotes, but it's all right there.. in his music....

Today marks the 30th anniversary of John Lennon's assassination.  Though I hadn't yet been born when John Lennon was tragically taken, his music had a profound impact on me and will no doubt continue to impact generations not yet born..
This is my favorite Beatles song... (what's yours?)


And for my cover-lovers this is pretty amazing...

Ben Lee - Into the Dark

I know you've missed my regular music selections... despair no more.

Undeclared

In 2001 Judd Apatow created a TV series called Undeclared.  It only lasted 1 season (on Fox) and I completely missed it.  Until I caught a marathon on IFC last weekend I didn't know it existed. 

I am writing about this because this show seemingly (I don't have the time to actually look at their filmographies) launched more than a few careers.  Besides creator Judd Apatow (who really gained notary a year before with "Freaks and Geeks") this show starred relative career "infants":

Seth Rogen - "Knocked Up"
Jay Baruchel - "She's Out of My League"
Carla Gallo - "Bones" (TV)
Jason Segal - "How I Met Your Mother" (TV), "Forgetting Sarah Marshall"
Charlie Hunnam - "Green Street Hooligans"

Others who appeared included:

Jenna Fisher - "The Office" (TV)
Amy Poehler - SNL
Busy Phillips - "Dawson's Creek" (TV)
David Krumholz - "Numb3rs" (TV), "10 Things I Hate About You"
Alexandra Breckenridge - Dirt (TV)
Tom Welling - Smallville (TV)

And these are only the ones I could recognize/identify/place in other roles.

On top of that, within just one season guest stars included: Adam Sandler, Will Ferrel, Ted Nugent, Ben Stiller and Fred Willard.

Beyond the actors (which is interesting and impressive to me - hence the post) the show wasn't great, but it had some moments.  If you're interested IFC (network) has begun showing back-to-back episodes on Friday nights I believe..  I'd love for your comments.

Leslie Nielsen Dead at age 84

You've all undoubtedly heard about the passing of Leslie Nielsen yesterday, but still I felt it necessary to acknowledge it here.  You can go ahead and Google him or YouTube some clips from his movies (you'll find tons I'm sure), but I'm just going to leave you with this:

Until recently I thought the Nielsen TV rating was based on how funny television shows were compared to Leslie Nielsen comedies....

Ok, that's not really true, but would you be surprised if such a rating system existed?  Airplane! was a whole nother level of comedy (up there with Spaceballs - my all-time favorite)..

Thanksgiving

I'm a day late, but let's be honest.. I had better things to do and you probably did too.

Still, I feel it appropriate to acknowledge Thanksgiving.  As is my style I'll do so by "borrowing" funny quotes from others..

"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land." - Jon Stewart

"Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often." - Johnny Carson


Now, I also wanted to take a minute to acknowledge Black Friday, but a quick Google search came up with nada.  It did lead me to these Lewis Black quotes, however, which I consider a win.

"In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twelve years, we'll be voting for plants."

"It’s absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we’ve got rockets, we’ve got saran wrap – FIX IT!!!"

Exhibit A

Walking through the halls of school today I heard one girl talking to another:

"Yes. I broke up with him, but we were still talking, like on the phone and stuff, so yeah, I feel like he cheated on me."

For the sake of not offending my audience or alienating anyone I'll stop this post here....

ER Reservations

A hospital in Memphis has recently created an online reservation system for it's ER.  For $15 you can make a reservation at the ER and be seen within 15 minutes of your reservation time.. If you are not, you get a refund of your $15..

hmmmmm....

1 - Isn't the ER for EMERGENCIES?  if you can plan ahead doesn't it mean it's not really an emergency?
2 - If you aren't seen within that 15 minutes you get a refund.. the hospital has a $15 incentive to help those that make reservations but no incentive to help those having heart attacks.. can this cause patient bias?  liabilities?  On the same token if you aren't seen within 15 minutes the hospital just stands to lose the $15 pre-pay.. That's not really a penalty. 

This whole thing feels just wrong, but just wait.. it's soon coming to a hospital near you.

http://www.wmctv.com/Global/story.asp?S=13473665

Murphy's Law #76

Tucking a shirt into your pants perfectly is no easy task.. But doing it twice is a great feat..

Unfortunately Murphy's Law #76 dictates that as soon as you get that perfect tuck nature will call.   Damn Murphy!

Names

There are standard rules for guys names: 
Never trust a guy named after a city or state (Dallas).
Never trust a guy with an ironic name (over 6ft, 200lbs named Tiny).
Never trust a guy with two first names (Alan Karl).
Never trust a guy with a woman's name (Leslie).

What about women?  What if a woman has two first names (Jennifer Michelle)?  What about a women named after a state (Madison)?  What about women with ironic nicknames (Tiny)?  Women named after flowers (Daisy)? 

Can I get a ruling?

Hello

Wow.  It's been a long time, huh?  Bet most of you never thought you'd hear from me again.  Honestly, I had doubts myself.  I still do. And yet, here we are. 

What to talk about?  I recently moved to the South and that should provide some good foder for this blog.  I also started working towards my MBA (in Marketing if you couldn't guess) which I imagine will leave plenty of options to bitch.  Today, however I want to step back into this slowly. 

Funny, random, cynical quote time:

"If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started."

Women!

This put a grin on my face.. and seemed worth passing along.

“Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater. Give her sperm, she will give you a baby. Give her a house, she will give you a home. Give her groceries, she will give you a meal. Give her a smile and she will give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what she is given.  So if you give her crap be ready to recieve a ton of Shit.”

At least we know some of that is true.

Thanks Parul D. for sharing.

Tupac - Smile

"Literally" is a word often misused.  Too many times do people use 'literally' as a descriptive word for emphasis.  No, it isn't literally hot as hell.  No, you didn't literally die from laughter. 

On the other hand, this song did literally change my life - for better or worse.  From when I first heard this song as a freshman in college I can track its impact on my life right up until today.  This song has directly led to friendships and "romantic' relationships.  It has led to joy I couldn't imagine and heartache I never wanted to.  Though I'm sure it's not written for the problems of a white kid from suburbia, this song has helped me through some bad times and given me hope that they'll be more good ones. 

I often talk about the Butterfly Effect on this blog - because I think it's fascinating - and this is a perfect example.  One silly little 4 minute song by a guy I've never met has altered my life is immeasurable ways. 

What songs have had a real effect on your lives?

The video has a pretty long intro.  If you're short on time skip ahead to about the 1 minute mark.  Also, if you get the chance I highly recommend VH1's Rock Doc on Tupac.  


Thank you (??) Nick L. for introducing me to this song and apparently changing my life forever. 

Our God Who Art in Heaven

How come religious people and those who believe in Heaven always think they'll meet God in the afterlife?  I'm not saying that it isn't the case (personally I really hope it is because I've got some things to say to him/her), but doesn't it seem a little far fetched?  Seriously, you could work in the same major corporation for 20 years and never meet the CEO.  Why would God be easier to get an audience with?  With the number of people that die everyday, there is no way God would have time to meet everyone (unless he/she really is everywhere)..  Maybe Heaven really is like Six Flags.  A really long line for a 30 second payoff.

Philly Tasing...

I tried to avoid talking about the kid that was tased at the Phillies game.  The media pretty much covered it and everyone has their own opinions on the topic, so I tried to just let it lie.  Alas, I cannot.  Still, despite the overwhelming media coverage, there are 2 points that I think were missed.  But, luckily, you have me to catch them.

1 - No matter where they stand on the issue everyone in the media agrees this kid posted no immediate threat.  It may be true that he didn't have a weapon and he posed no threat to those on the field, no one talks about the potential threat to those in the stands.  Luckily in this case he was just a stupid kid, but what if he was a decoy for a pick-pocket ring?  As security guards around the stadium and 40,000+ fans focus on this kid that leaves them vulnerable to a lot of other problems.  I'll just say 'pick-pocketing' as to avoid a national panic.

2 - The media always refers to this kid as a 'fan'.  "The fan who was tased", or "The fan who ran onto the field", etc.  I'm sorry, but this kid is not a 'fan'.  This kid is a schmuck who wanted to be 'cool' or get attention or win a bet.  No true fan risks being banned for life from the stadium of their favorite team.  No fan risks a good pitching outing for their own satisfaction. 

I am not a medical professional and I don't know the risks involved with tasers, but as far as I'm concerned it was fine.  Stop running on the field!

A good article on the topic: Taser Controversy (thank you Amy K. for sharing with me.)

Cause Tax Laws Aren't Complicated Enough...

I don't have a lot of time today, but luckily this link tells it better than I ever could. 

This is especially of interest to my readers with small-businesses of their very own. 

Heath Care Tax Change

Seriously, how is the small-business owner supposed to know about this hidden gem in a Health Care bill? Thankfully I have a friend who is pretty big into politics and has far too much time on his hands at work, but what about the rest of the apathetic population?  Would they only find out after they are audited and handed a hefty fine?

Thank you Matt D. for informing me and allowing me to inform my readership.

Bowl Over(kill)

In college football each season ends with the top teams playing in what are called 'Bowl' games.  These games are meant to showcase the best talent and be a way for teams to give their season some finality since there is no true playoff system. 

It has been noted that one reason the NCAA has not switched to a playoff system is because they can make more money on the Bowl series.  Each Bowl game is sponsored by a corporation and televised nationally.  As of last year there were 34 Bowl games - many more than a playoff system would allow for. 

However, it would appear that the Bowl series is becoming watered down (something I fear of the new basketball NCAA tournament expansion) and thus cannabilizing itself. 

FedEx bows out of Orange Bowl title slot

With more Bowl games there are more teams playing and let's be honest - some of these teams do not deserve any type of post-season play.  Fans are getting overwhelmed and bored with the sub-par matchups and they are not patronizing these games.  The excitement of the major Bowl games is being replaced by the tediousness of the other 20 or so. 

Basically what I'm saying (rambling as it may be) is that the Bowl game system is getting out of control and while it was designed to maximize profits for the NCAA and it's member schools it actually seems counter-intuitive and needs a major overhaul to satisfy it's fans, teams, players and possibly most importantly, it's sponsors...

Invent A Use For

I don't have a creative lead-in for this, so I'll just get to it.

I think the guy that invented fire is noteworthy, but personally I'm more impressed by the people that figured out what to do with it.  The guy that stumbled onto fire likely did so by accident.  The person that said, "hey, maybe our food would be better if we stuck it in this fire" was the real inventive one.  And the person that said, "we can use fire to melt metal and make better weapons", well played.

On a similar note, how do scientists know what medicine works on what illness?  I mean, anyone can mash up plant leaves and create 'drugs', but how did scientists come to realize that some drug whose name I can't pronounce, none-the-less spell, fights some disease I can't pronounce?

Discovery is cool, but it's how we use those discoveries that's the real invention.

Ashleigh Brilliant Quote

This made me laugh, and therefore I'm passing it along...


“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.”- Ashleigh Brilliant


Thank you Jebin T. for sharing.

Commercial Fail

Has anyone else seen these new commercials for Bud Light Lime?  Has anyone else noticed the voiceover "Bud Light Lime, with 100% real, natural lime flavor"?  What the hell is real, natural lime FLAVOR?  They don't say "real, natural lime JUICE" or even "real, natural lime CONCENTRATE."  There is nothing real or natural about 'FLAVOR' I am sure...

And on the same note, Volkswagen cannot bring back the 'punch' because they are not bringing back the 'Punch-buggy'...  I get that they are trying to get back that strong brand recognition of my childhood, but punching your friend everytime you see a Volkswagen sedan just isn't the same...

Government Bonds

I'm getting ready to buy a house so I've been taking stock of my financial situation.  In doing so I took a look at the US Government Savings Bonds that I've collected over the years - for birthdays, holidays, and random grandparent spoilings.

If you have no idea what a government savings bond is, you're likely born after the 80's but regardless you can learn more here.

I gotta ask, in this time of recession why has the government not promoted savings bonds as they have during previous war eras when the government also needed money?  Sure, the majority of people have little money to 'invest' in savings bonds, but others are in stable financial situations of course, and babies and birthdays still happen regardless of status of the economy..

The other thing I noticed in my Savings Bonds research is that the US Treasury is converting from paper bonds to electronic bonds, and in doing so, instead of paying half of the maturity price (ie, $25 for a $50 bond) the purchase price will be 1:1 (ie. $25 gets you $25).  If I understand correctly (and I am not financial wiz, nor do I fully understand legal/accounting jargon) basically they are turning savings bonds into very long-term CD's...  Apparently the Treasury is not so much interested in selling bonds because why would it make sense to buy a 20-year Bond at a 1.2% interest rate when you can get a better rate on a 5-year CD??

While I feel good buying savings bonds - giving a gift that my niece can appreciate when she's old enough and being able to help the economy, now that I've done my research I just feel like I'm being taken for a fool. 

To my brother/sis-in-law, from now on I'm just putting the money in a separate bank account/trust...

Obama and Nasa

This week is feeling a little serious.  I'm not feeling serious, but the topics I plan to blog on seem a little serious.  I say this so that you can get in the right mind set as you continue to visit The Gift and The Goods.

Today I'd like to discuss Obama's plan to privatize space travel and reduce funding for NASA.

First, a disclaimer:  My brother works as a contractor for NASA so it is undoubtedly a little nearer and dearer to me, but all that I am going to say below are my true feelings, biased as they may be.  I welcome the thoughts of all my readers.

Now, if you haven't heard, read this..  http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_obama_space
In a nutshell, Obama is calling for private companies to take on the role of NASA in continuing space exploration.  This will lower the financial burden of the government which currently subsidizes NASA.

While I agree that the economy stinks and it seems ill-advised to spend money on space exploration while those in this country continue through rough times, that is also very near-sighted view.  Without making this post too long, and risk making it unbearable to read, here are my questions.

- If we privatize space, what happens to the safety protocols of the private rockets, the astronauts and those that live near launch/landing sites?  Who is going to regulate this new industry that Obama is creating?  If this regulatory board is government run (like the SEC) that still costs money, correct?

- When I watched 'The Astronaut Farmer' (good movie by the way) there were major concerns about a private citizen buying mass quantities of rocket fuel. Who will monitor these things? If the FBI and other government agencies need to handle this, what is the cost there?  At what point is NASA actually the cheaper way to go?

- Isn't building rockets to launch into space just one step away from building missiles and bombs?  Why would we allow private citizens the freedom to explore this?  Again, how do we regulate?  How do we keep these new 'scientists' from blowing themselves up?  How do we keep sensitive information out of the hands of terrorists or from being sold to hostile foreign countries?

- What will this do to the economies of current NASA towns like Houston, and Cape Canaveral (spelling?)?  Will they have similar depressions such as mining towns did way back when? 

- Many people think of NASA strictly in terms of space, and that is probably valid, but NASA has given us, everyday, ordinary people many important products - 10 Examples Here.  Would private industry give us these?  Maybe.  Probably.  But, at what cost?

- If a private company is the first to reach a new planet and that planet happens to be inhabitable and that private company begins developing the new planet, who has control of the new planet?  The private entity?  Allowing a private company/citizen to 'own' a new planet is VERY risky business.  Especially as this one continues to decay.

- Is privatizing space exploration the first step towards privatizing the military? 

- April 24th, 2010 marked the 20th anniversary of the Hubble Telescope being launched into space.  That was pretty important.  Will private companies send up satellites on behalf of the government? Would they charge the government for pictures/data collected?   If the satellites catch an issues (asteroid, etc.) will the know how to handle it?
I know some of my readers are huge opponents of big government, and that is fine, but this is not healthcare.  This is a very dangerous (as in physical/actual danger) industry.  It must be regulated for the safety of not only those involved, but anyone within proximity of a private facility.

Friends with Talent - Music

Speaking of music, here's another installment in my 'Friends with Talent' series.

I won't waste too much of your time telling you about these talented artists or what they do, just click the links and check it out and let me/them know what you think.

http://amiestreet.com/music/sheehan-perera/
http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Sheehan-Perera/13165527066?ref=ts


http://www.sumanthswaminathan.com/


If any of you have other friends with talent that you'd like to promote please send something my way. 

Less Than Jake - The Science Of Selling Yourself Short

It's been a while since I gave you some new music to enjoy.  Here goes.

To Subtitle Or Not?

The other night I watched 'The Boy With the Striped Pajamas" on my Comcast On-Demand (the best part of Comcast by far).  In short, for those that don't know, this is the story of a young German boy whose father is a high-up in the SS and charged with running a concentration camp.  While living outside the camp the young, naive boy befriends a young Jew on the other side of the fence.   

I am blogging about this, because while it was a good film I feel cheated.  For whatever reason, the director of this film chose not to use subtitles, but to instead have all characters speak English.  I assume the reason for this decision was so the viewer could relate more easily and get caught up in the mixed emotions of the characters.  However, instead I think it deprived me of that one strong emotion - hate and anger.  When I watch a film about horrors such as the holocaust I don't want to relate in any way to the murderers or even the bystanders who saw the immorality and did nothing.  I want to hate them.  (Unlike in Letters From Iwo Jima which was a great film about a war that was brutal on both sides - where I wanted to see and learn that other perspective.) 

Usually I prefer movies not to have subtitles.  I like to be able to focus on the action and images of the film rather than on reading small text at the bottom.  However, in specific cases, such as this, the German language itself stirs up emotions that I think are crucial in the film experience.  Knowing when to use subtitles is just one of the many challenges movie directors face, but it is very important. 

Flew the Coop Part 2

Spirit Airlines CEO Stuffs Himself Where He Should in Explanation Video

Thank you Matt D. for sending this along.

30 for 30

Last night I watched ESPN's 30 for 30 movie on Allen Iverson (good film).  For those unaware this was a documentary based on the trial of Allen Iverson in the early 90's where he was found guilty of 'maiming by mob'.  Basically a brawl broke out at a bowling alley, some bystanders were injured by thrown chairs and Allen Iverson along with three other men were prosecuted.

I am not taking sides on the issue because I don't know all the facts and I don't particularly care to throw out an opinion.  But, because some woman suffered some cuts, and maybe a slight concusion Allen Iverson was given a fifteen year sentence.  Ten years were 'suspended' and he was told that with good behavior he could be out in ten months.

WHAT???  How is this 'crime' worthy of a fifteen year sentence?  It was his first criminal offense and it was a fight that got out of hand.  I am not condoning the actions of anyone involved, but guns weren't brandished, and no one was stabbed - by relative standards this is amazing in itself. - A lot of punches and a few chairs were thrown.  This sentence is insane.  Now, on the other hand, if the sentence calls for fifteen years, how can one get out after only ten months?  WHAT?

Eventually the court ruling was overturned and Allen only served four months and the felony was expunged.  So in the end Iverson was all but found innocent, but still spent four months in prison. 

NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY DAMN SENSE.

Food Coloring

Since I'm being inquisitive:  How is food coloring made?  I am sure I could Google this and find some real answer, but one of the reasons I have a blog is to inspire others to think.  To maybe think about things that are usually taken for granted and to question them.  Sure, this is silly and in no way important to anyone's life, but still.  How is food coloring made?  It's used to make other foods, but how is it made? 
How is licorice made?  There is no natural food that taste like licorice, but through some magic of technology and processing we get Twizzlers?  It's considered a candy like M&M's but M&M's make sense.. M&M's are just chocolate (relatively natural) and peanut butter (relatively natural).  What the hell is licorice? 

Someone for Everyone

I'm a good looking guy and I've always been with good looking girls, so I don't know how this works... BUT...

How do ugly people get together?  Is there something in their brain that makes ugly people attracted to other ugly people?  or is it just that they have realistic expectations and take what they can get? or is it something else?

I am by no means saying ugly people can't find true love and I'm not even saying that sometimes really attractive people don't end up with less-than-attractive partners*.. But, even though beauty is subjective we all know there are certain cultural and accepted concepts of what is attractive.  There have been hundreds (if not more) studies done to determine what is 'sexy' (symmetrical features, strong jaw bones and cheek bones, etc..).  If there is a "consensus" about what is sexy, how come there is still "someone for everyone"?  Certainly not everyone is attractive.

*Ever notice how anytime a really hot girl is with an 'average' guy other guys will think "he's gay"?  That's not an insult, and it's definitely not meant as a slur towards homosexuals (which is politically correct? 'gay' or 'homosexual'??).  It's actually just something said to make the other guys rationalize how some hot girl can be with a guy just like them, but why that guy is NOT them.. "oh, he must be the gay best friend.  No way she would go out with a guy like that."  - It's the call of the insecure.

Flew the Coop

Spirit Airlines is going to become the first to charge for carry-on luggage.

http://www.usatoday.com/travel/flights/item.aspx?type=blog&ak=86761.blog&loc=interstitialskip

According to the article the intent is to continue to 'unbundle' the expenses of flying so passengers can only pay for what they use.  For the luxury of carrying your bag on board they will charge upwards of $45 each way. 

So, here's The Gift's take:

- Will they reduce airfares by $45 each way?  Somehow I doubt we see that translate fully.

- They say in the article it should help expedite the boarding process.  Really??  People having to pull out their credit cards at the gate and disgruntled customers arguing over the size of their bags, etc. is going to speed up boarding??  Last time I boarded a plane they called my 'zone' I walked on, put my bag in the overhead and sat down.  How much quicker can it get?  Sure some people bring bags that are way too big for the overhead, but that one bag has to be more convenient than checking 100 bags to make sure they are the correct size.

- Often people put extra clothing in their carry-ons in case of lost luggage (which we know happens) or delayed flights and missed connections and that worst-case scenario of having to sleep in the airport - because the airlines don't cover hotel costs even if the missed connection is their fault.  Now if you want that 'protection' it's going to cost $45.

The airline industry is afforded a lot of lee-way that other businesses don't get (double-booking, dynamic pricing, not getting you where you're supposed to be when you're supposed to be there, etc.).  They can do this because customer service generally is not as important to consumers as pricing in this industry.  That's fair enough.  But at some point customer service must be taken into account, and boy are they stretching the limits..

I know money is tight and the airline industry is hurting, but there have to be other ways.  Go back to selling advertising space on the food trays or the back of seats.  Get your marketing department and R&D departments to do their jobs..  Complicating the process of air travel is only going to turn people off.  This is a bad idea.

-Thank you Courtney S. for bringing this to my attention.

You Make Me Sick

If you've watched the news in the last week you've inevitably heard the story of the soldier whose funeral was protested by a religious group who protests against the US Government because it allows homosexuality.  I won't recap the story because you can read it here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/csm/20100331/ts_csm/291560 or all over the internet.

I will say this, however:

If this was my son's funeral I would not have sued these protestors.  I would have been arrested myself for assault and battery and possibly manslaughter.  And I'll tell you what, I would get off for temporary insanity.  There is no jury in the world that would commit this father for losing his mind and killing someone in this situation.  He is, undoubtedly a stronger person than I. 

I don't know where I stand on capital punishment and I am not, by nature, a vengeful person, but these people should have their children put on an island.  That island should be invaded and then when their children are killed we should protest at their funerals.  That would be justice if ever there was any.

There are so many things wrong here.  These same people who are anti-abortion and say 'all-life' is sacred are saying this soldier (and all soldiers) deserved to die - well, that doesn't make any sense does it?  These people are protesting against the government at the funerals of soldiers, soldiers who may or may not have the same religious beliefs as these extremists, but who are just following orders and who are dying to give us the very same freedom to protest that these clowns are taking advantage of. 

I also must give credit to my brother who made a very good point about this whole issue.  Freedom of speech is only relevant when people have the ability to get up and walk away.  When someone stands on a soap box and preaches that is fine.  The average person can choose to stand and listen or continue walking.  A funeral is a sacred place and while mourners may literally have the option to leave, they do not in reality. 

On these very same news channels we are hearing a lot recently about teenagers who have taken their lives because of continued and brutal bullying.  In many cases, the bullies are being punished for their behavior including within the court system.  Isn't this just a form of bullying?  Does the father need to take his own life to get justice?  Shouldn't we stop the madness before it escalates. 

I hope the Supreme Court does the right thing here...

Celebrity Affairs

I whole-heartedly disagree with cheating.  I think if it comes to the point where one is thinking about cheating it's time to have a talk with their partner and figure out why.  Are they just not having their sexual needs met or is there a deeper cause?  Is breaking up or getting a divorce the right thing to do?

Now that I've said my piece on cheating, here are my thoughts on the recent string of celebrity scandals..

People wonder why Bill Clinton or Tiger Woods or Jesse James cheat on their wives with these trashy, less-than-gorgeous women.. Honestly, it makes absolute sense to me. With these women the sex is probably just dirty and raw, but more importantly there is no risk of attachment. When you’re having sex with a girl you don’t respect there’s no fear of falling for her and you can have a no-strings attached affair.  If, on the other hand, these celebrities choose to cheat with 'good' girls, a) it's going to be a little harder cause they are less likely to put themselves in these positionos, but also b) there is always the risk of falling in love which will lead to much larger problems. 

Now, I will also say that Tiger, Bill, etc. owe me no apology.  I don't care what they do in their private lives.  That is for their wives and families to deal with.  Is Tiger a role-model?  Maybe.  But, not if the parents do their jobs.  Growing up sure I idolized athletes, but only for their athletic ability.  When I wanted guidance or someone to look up to, it was my parents and my brother who served as the real role-models.  Let's stop putting the onus on celebrities to raise our kids.  And in all of this, let's not forget to blame the media for sensationalizing these stories.  You want to blame Tiger Woods for setting a wrong example in his private life?  Well, maybe you should blame the media for making it public and not letting these 'stories' die.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

I was flicking through the channels on the TV the other day and passed over Disney.  Now, I won't lie, I watch the Disney channel from time to time - if Boy Meets Worlds comes on or a good Pixar film, but that's besides the point.  This particular time I caught an airing of the original Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.  I am posting about this because for some reason it just struck me.  This movie was created in 1937 and from the story line to the animation to the sound effects, it's just amazing.  (I say this, not as a huge fan of Snow White or Cinderella, etc. but as one who appreciates genius and innovation.)  How long could it have taken to hand draw this movie frame by frame?  To make sound effects without the help of b-reel?  It's so easy to take this all for granted, but if you step back and take a second, there is no denying the ingenuity, the hardwork, and the brilliance. 

Thank you to Mr. Walt Disney for changing the game.  There would be no Wall-E or Monsters, Inc. without you.

Mitch Hedberg (February 24, 1968 – March 29, 2005)

Today marks the five year anniversary of the passing of Mitch Hedberg.  I cannot declare Mitch the best comedian of all time (that would be insane), but until his passing he was undeniably right up there - at least with the 2am drunk/stoned/over-tired crowd.

Now, if you don't know who I'm talking about, get yourself to YouTube and check it out.  Below are a few of my favorite gems. (Note: Mitch's humor is in his delivery and relaxed/stoner facade.  Read the below as if the man is not telling a joke, but a real life story.)

"When you buy a box of Ritz crackers, on the back of the box, they have all these suggestions as to what to put on top of the Ritz. "Try it with turkey and cheese. Try it with peanut butter." But I like crackers man, that's why I bought it, 'cause I like crackers! I don't see a suggestion to put a Ritz on top of a Ritz. I didn't buy them because they're little edible plates! You've got no faith in the product itself."

"I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run, he's fuzzy, get out of here."

"This shirt is "dry-clean only"...which means it's dirty."

"One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said,"Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture is of you when you were younger. "Here's a picture of me when I'm older." "You son-of-a-bitch! How'd you pull that off? Lemme see that camera... what's it look like? ""

"I think they could take Sesame seeds off the market and I wouldn't even care. I can't imagine five years from now saying, "Damn, remember Sesame seeds? What happened? All the buns are blank!" They're gonna have to change that McDonald's song: "Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a... bun." How's a Sesame seed stick to a bun? That's fuckin' magical! There's got to be some Sesame seed glue out there! Either that, or they're adhesive on one side. "Take the Sesame seed out, remove the backing, place it on the bun. Now your bun will look spectacular." What does a Sesame seed grow into? I don't know; we never gave them a chance! What the fuck is a Sesame? It's a street! It's a way...to open shit!"

"I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle."

Jon Stewart Loves The Gift

Apparently Jon Stewart has been reading my blog..

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20000803-503544.html

Did anyone else get the follow-up postcard telling you that you should have already recieved the Census?  Are they serious???

And according to the Colbert Report the Census is already over-budget.. Shocking.

KGB

Have you guys seen the commercials for this KGB service?  Basically you text any question you have and they text back the answer.  I think it costs $0.99 per answer or something.

The commercials indicate that you can ask anything and they'll get you an answer.  Well, I'm not gonna waste $0.99 to find out (I'm unemployed afterall), but if I texted them for the name, phone number, and marital status of that cute redhead on their commercials, would they be obligated to provide the information?

What if you ask a question they can't answer?  Is there a 'stump KGB' monetary prize?  Do they have any type of hypocratic oath so questions remain confidential (if they do, I'm sure it's not legally binding)?  Are there inappropriate questions they just won't answer?  Does this 'service' stand a chance of success in this smart-phone age?

Camo? Who You Hiding From?

I don't hunt.  I have never been hunting.  I have shot rifles and handguns, but I have never shot at a living creature.  I don't think as a proud carnivore that I can be morally opposed to hunting, but it's not for me.  I don't have the stomach for it.  Truthfully, I like fishing, but I have trouble taking the fish off the hook, you know?

Yet I digress.  The point of this post is pretty simple.  If hunters are required to wear orange hats or vests - so they themselves don't get shot - what is the point of camoflague?  Are deer blind to the color orange?  Does camo just help put hunters in the right frame of mind?  Is it just for style points?  Would a hunter be equally successful in a Grateful Dead tie-dye shirt?  Would the oxymoronic nature of that situation cause a rip in the space-time continuum?

6 Pack of Questions

OK, maybe that subject line is a little misleading, but puns are easy, and I like easy.. I really only have 1 main question:  Why is beer sold in units of six (6-packs, 12 packs, cases of 24 bottles or 30 cans)?

Is this because the average person drinks 6 beers per sitting?  Or is that how it used to be in the past at least?  What would the average persons BAC be after 6 beers?  (I am sure I can google search that one, but that would really nullify my dramatics here).  Would the cheap cardboard container not hold the weight if increased to hold 8 beers?  If a company came out with a 4-pack would the average male consumer feel emasculated only buying a measley 4 beers?  Would they be inclined to buy 2 of these 4-packs and thus spend more money? 

I understand that at this point 6-packs are the norm and it would virtually be brewery suicide to go away from that, but I want to know why this is the norm?  Who decided on the 6-pack?  I mean, at least with hotdogs an 8 pack makes some sense - with households averaging 4 members that's an even division of 2 dogs per person..

My Place Or Yours

In speaking with some friends the other night, an interesting topic was brought up:  which is safer for a lady - to go to the guys place or to invite him to hers?

Now, obviously prevailing logic is that until you know the other person and feel comfortable you meet at a neutral location and make sure the guy isn't a psycho and the girl isn't crazier than average (all girls are crazy to some extent - and even the ladies who read this blog will admit that).  However, what about when that date goes really well and a nightcap is in order?  Or you just want to get together and watch a movie on the couch? 

As a guy, I've never had to worry about this, so the discussion kind of caught my attention.  Obviously for the girl, her place is a 'home-field' of sorts and there is an air of comfort and security, while the guys place is unknown and who's to say what lies beyond the front door.  On the other hand, it's much easier to run away rather than to push someone (presumably stronger) out of your front door. 

Ladies, any thoughts?  I am not trying to scare anyone and I haven't heard of any nightmare scenarios, but it was just an interesting topic that led me to think about it further and thus blog about it. 

ConCensus

It was brought to my attention that on this years Census form there is a movement in the works for everyone to check "OTHER" under the race category and write-in "AMERICAN."

The person who mentioned this to me and suggested it as a topic for me to discuss (I love when my fans do this) thinks this is an "awesome" idea. I, however, must respectfully disagree.

I think this is a great way to show unity in our country - for, we, are all Americans. However, the truth is, this country is far from unified - from the war-on-terror to abortion and gay marriage 'consensus' in this country is non-existent. Additionally, this country has always been proud of it's diversity and to disregard this on the census would be short-sighted... Despite my personal opinions (which will remain my own and are unimportant) on border closings or illegal immigrants, or the number of visas issued by our government each year, etc. it is important to get these statistics if possible. It is important to learn if efforts to make women equal in the workplace are working (or even if reverse discrimination has taken hold). It is important to know if minorities have the same opportunities of higher education or within the workplace. The bottom line is that although it seems like an innocuous question, taking into account with other information it can be pretty useful.

*Note: I have not as of yet recieved my Census form and have not seen the questions. I am sure if there is something blog worthy once I do, I will be all over it.

** Thank you to Jamer D. for bringing this to my attention.

Common Census

Dear Government Officials Who Love To Take And Waste Our Money,

What the hell are you doing mailing me a letter telling me that you will be mailing out another letter.  Do you truly find it pertinent to waste millions of pounds of paper, tons of printer ink and the time of already disguntled postal workers in order to inform the average citizen that in "about one week from now, you [we] will recieve a 2010 Census form in the mail."?  This is irresponsible both economically but also environmentally.

What is the value of this?  I imagine that in someone's mind this is the same as making a phone call to schedule another, but it's DEFINITELY NOT the same..

In the future, if you could not waste my tax dollars in such a poorly thought out manner I would appreciate it. 

Thank you,

The Gift - who owes A LOT in taxes this year.

Jobs that Deserve More Credit

Here is another installment in the "posts I never truly finished for EgoTV" category. 

Firemen, Policemen, Doctors, and Teachers are all jobs that deserve high praise and generally recieve it.  On the other hand, there are several jobs that deserve credit but generally only recieve it in small circles.  Below are a few of these.

Sales People
When people think sales, many of them think about the stereotypical used car salesman and the dinner-time telemarketer, and a few bad words come to mind. This is unfortunate. Without sales, no business can get off the ground and no business can succeed. A lot of people will tell you that sales is about being able to bullshit – and that is true to some extent – but it’s also about a lot more. It’s about knowing how to interact with people; when to talk and when to listen; when to push and when to give in, but it’s also about knowing your product and competition inside and out. Mostly though it’s about closing, and this is something that takes a special skill. Anyone can buy a drink for the hot girl at the bar, but not anyone can get her home.

Novelists
Uh, is this guy talking about books? Yes, yes I am. Books are to entertainment what the mid-range jumper in basketball – generally not flashy, but equally effective. Sure, television and movies get all the credit, but before they can be made the story must first be written. Authors must be able to write of course, and be good storytellers, but again, it is so much more than that. Authors have to be creative enough to come up with something compelling and interesting and worth reading, and then they have to do what it takes to execute. Take Dan Brown (The DaVinci Code) for instance - regardless of if you like his style or his books. He had to come up with a story line, do the necessary research into the Vatican and religious symbology plus understand the geography of Europe, mix fact with fiction, create characters we could relate to, and tell a compelling story. You don’t just wake up one morning and write a best-selling novel. One book could take years and years and years, and for most writers it’s a side hobby.

Movie Director
Thanks to ‘Entourage’ I can add this to this list. Movie Directors have to not only have a vision for a successful movie, but they have to deal with studio heads, manage actors (and their different personalities and egos), manage film crews, special effects, budgets, schedules, shoot locations, etc. Being a movie director is about a lot more than sitting in a high chair and yelling ‘cut’. To be successful you have to be a salesman, a marketer, an artist, a psychologist, a team-leader and a team player.

The Fresh Air Fund

I like promoting things I believe in, whether music, products, services, or in this case not-for-profits... As people prepare to recieve their tax refunds it seems time for another one of my 'Instant Karma' posts.

“THE FRESH AIR FUND, an independent, not-for-profit agency, has provided free summer vacations to more than 1.7 million New York City children from low-income communities since 1877.

Nearly 10,000 New York City children enjoy free Fresh Air Fund programs annually. In 2008, close to 5,000 children visited volunteer host families in suburbs and small town communities across 13 states from Virginia to Maine and Canada. 3,000 children also attended five Fresh Air camps on a 2,300-acre site in Fishkill, New York. The Fund’s year-round camping program serves an additional 2,000 young people each year.

FRESH AIR CHILDREN
Children are selected to participate in The Fresh Air Fund Friendly Town program based on financial need. Children are from low-income communities. Fresh Air youngsters are registered by more than 90 social service and community organizations in all five boroughs of New York City.

FRESH AIR FUND FRIENDLY TOWN PROGRAM
Fresh Air children, boys and girls from six to 18 years old, visit 300 Fresh Air Friendly Towns in the summer. Fresh Air children on first-time visits to Friendly Town host families are six to 12 years old and stay for up to two weeks. The program also has a special one-week option for New York City families who would like to host children on their summer vacations in the country. Over 65 percent of all children are reinvited to stay with host families, year after year. Reinvited youngsters may continue with The Fund through age 18, and many spend the entire summer in the country. Fresh Air children and volunteer families often form bonds of friendship that last a lifetime.

FRIENDLY TOWN HOST FAMILIES
Fresh Air Fund volunteer host families open their homes to inner-city children for two weeks or more in the summertime. Each Friendly Town community is supervised by a committee of volunteers. Committee members select host families after reviewing their applications, visiting them in their homes and checking their personal references. There are no financial requirements for hosting a Fresh Air child. Most hosts simply want to share their homes with inner-city youngsters. Host families are not paid. The Fund has a program for placing children who have special physical or emotional needs.”

The Fresh Air Fund is always looking for host families, volunteers, and of course monetary donations.

To learn more check out their website or their fanpage on Facebook.

The Turtles - It Ain't Me Babe

When I say 'the Turtles' I bet the majority of you will flash on Michaelangelo, Raphael, Leonardo and my personal favorite Donatello.. Some of you may think of 'Happy Together' and still others will just go blank..

For those who think of 'Happy Together', you've likely been brainwashed like the rest of the mass public.  It's a good song no doubt, but this one is oh so much better.  (Yes, it's a Bob Dylan cover, but no one is comparing The Turtles to the legendary Bob Dylan..  This cover is awesome though.)


the turtles - it ain t me babe

My Life In Song Titles

When I get to reminiscing or thinking about my past, often the memories are accompanied by songs that remind me of that time or that feeling, etc.  My life doesn't have a soundtrack, but it would be cool if it did.. Below is my life in song titles (an albums worth in chronologic order).  

Self-Esteem - The Offspring
Underdog - Yellowcard
Don't Tread On Me - Metallica
History of A Boring Town - Less Than Jake
Smile - Tu Pac
I Want Your Girlfriend To Be My Girlfriend - Real Big Fish
Patiently - Domestic Problems
Got You Where I Want You - The Flys
Mistakes We Knew We Were Making - Mae
All For You - Sister Hazel
Jackass - Green Day
Bitch Went Nuts - Ben Folds
Shattered - O.A.R.
I've Got My Mind Set On You - George Harrison
Only In Dreams - Weezer
Dirty Little Secret - All American Rejects
Vindicated - Dashboard Confessional
Don't Look Back In Anger - Oasis
Shine On - Needtobreathe

* Note: These are all songs I truly enjoy. 
** Note: This is different from 'my life in song lyrics' which I will probably do another time.

Things Movies Have Taught Me

While I was typing up that last post on the greatest sports movies of all time I realized that a lot of these movies (and others) have taught me some valuable life lessons.  Below are some lessons I have learned through movies.  (Of course a lot of this learning was passed on from my parents or learned from my own experiences, but the movies helped hammer home the points..  Also, some of these are maybe less 'educational' and more 'inspirational', but I want this post to have some substance.)

A Bronx Tale 
Calogero 'C' Anello: Sonny and my father always said that when I get older I would understand. Well, I finally did. I learned something from these two men. I learned to give love and get love unconditionally. You just have to accept people for what they are, and I learned the greatest gift of all. The saddest thing in life is wasted talent, and the choices that you make will shape your life forever.

Sonny: Alright, listen to me. You pull up right where she lives, right? Before you get outta the car, you lock both doors. Then, get outta the car, you walk over to her. You bring her over to the car. Dig out the key, put it in the lock and open the door for her. Then you let her get in. Then you close the door. Then you walk around the back of the car and look through the rear window. If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in: dump her.
Calogero 'C' Anello: Just like that?
Sonny: Listen to me, kid. If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in, that means she's a selfish broad and all you're seeing is the tip of the iceberg. You dump her and you dump her fast.

Sonny: You gotta do what your heart tells you to do. Let me tell you somethin' right now. You're only allowed three great women in your lifetime. They come along like the great fighters, every ten years. Rocky Marciano. Sugar Ray Robinson. Joe Louis. Sometimes you get 'em all at once.

Bull Durham
Crash Davis: Did you hit me with your right hand or did you hit me with your left? Huh? Did you hit me with your right hand or did you hit me with your LEFT?
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: My left.
Crash Davis: Good! That's good; when you get in a fight with a drunk you don't hit him with your pitching hand. God, I can't keep giving you these free lessons so quit screwin' around and help me up.

Rocky
Rocky Balboa: You hang out with nice people, you get nice friends. You hang out with smart people, you get smart friends. You hang out with yo-yo people, you get yo-yo friends. It's simple mathematics.

Rudy
Fortune: You're 5 foot nothin', 100 and nothin', and you have barely a speck of athletic ability. And you hung in there with the best college football players in the land for 2 years. And you're gonna walk outta here with a degree from the University of Notre Dame. In this life, you don't have to prove nothin' to nobody but yourself. And after what you've gone through, if you haven't done that by now, it ain't gonna never happen. Now go on back.

Ferris Bueller
Ferris Bueller: Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

Stand By Me
Gordie: Do you think I'm weird?
Chris: Definitely.
Gordie: No man, seriously. Am I weird?
Chris: Yeah, but so what? Everybody's weird.

PCU
Droz: What's this? You're wearing the shirt of the band you're going to see? Don't be that guy.

Swingers
Art Imitates Life

Back to the Future
Goldie Wilson: [rushes up to George] Say! What do you let those boys push you around like that for?
George McFly: Well, they're bigger than me.
Goldie Wilson: Stand tall, boy. Have some respect for yourself. Don't you know if you let people walk over you now, they'll be walking over you for the rest of your life! Look at me. You think I'm gonna spend the rest of my life in this slop house?
Lou: Watch it, Goldie!
Goldie Wilson: No, sir! I'm gonna make something of myself. I'm going to Night School. And one day I'm gonna *be* somebody!
Marty McFly: That's right! He's gonna be mayor.
Goldie Wilson: Yeah, I'm gonna...
[smiles, one of his front teeth is gold]
Goldie Wilson: Mayor! Now *that's* a good idea! I can run for mayor.
Lou: A colored mayor, that'll be the day.
Goldie Wilson: You wait and see, Mr. Carruthers. I *will* be mayor! I'll be the most powerful man in Hill Valley. And I'm gonna clean up this town.
Lou: Good. You can start by sweeping the floor.
[hands Goldie a broom]
Goldie Wilson: [stands tall with a hand over his heart] Mayor Goldie Wilson. Like the sound of that.
[collects George's dishes]

 
These were the ones that were on the top of my head.  I'm sure more will come to me and they'll be a part 2 to this post.  In the mean time, please feel free to share with me.

Greatest Sports Movies of All Time

Sports movies are a combination of two of my favorite things – sports and movies. Add in an attractive female or two and you’ve hit the trifecta.

With that said, below are my top 10 sports movies of all time.

10) Cool Runnings (1993)
Loosely based on the true story of the Jamaican bobsled team that entered the 1988 Olympics in Calgary. Heartwarming and funny.

9) Major League (1989)
A group of misfits come together to form a winning team - with a few comedic moments along the way.

8) Remember the Titans (2000)
This movie tells a poignant true story of race relations, all-the-while keeping itself grounded in football.

7) Miracle (2004)
I’m sure you’ve been inundated with this movie over the past week or so watching the Olympics. But, did you know this was a remake of the also well-done Miracle On Ice (starring Steve Guttenberg).

6) Slap Shot (1977)
The familiar script, misfits come together to form a winning team – with a few comedic moments along the way, takes the form of a hockey movie. Excellent.

5) Rudy (1993)
Sean Astin may be one of the greatest actors of our generation. If you don’t get chills at the last scene, you’re dead to me.

4) Rocky/Rocky IV (1976/1985)
The dispute forever lives about which of these is the best Rocky film, but whichever you choose, there is no doubt that this underdog story tops most. There is even less doubt that Eye of The Tiger has become THE inspirational song. Nothing makes a sports movie like the training montage.

3) Goal! (2005)
This movie never received much notoriety in the US and in fact I only learned of it during a trip to China, but it’s AWESOME. From the hardship of illegally entering the US and risking everything Santiago Munez strives to fulfill a dream he once had given up.

2) Youngblood (1986)
Rob Lowe, Patrick Swayze and Cynthia Gibb. In search of his NHL dream Dean Youngblood has to overcome a lot of obstacles and a little hazing along the way.

1) Necessary Roughness (1991)
Scott Bakula, Sinbad, Rob Schneider, Kathy Ireland. I know this isn’t a consensus favorite, but this is my list and I think this movie is classic.


Honorable Mentions (In no particular order. Yeah, there are a lot on this list, but if you haven’t seen some of these, then I’m doing you a favor) – Caddyshack, The Cutting Edge (a guiltless pleasure), Field of Dreams, White Men Can’t Jump, Hoosiers, Searching for Bobby Fischer (chess is as much a sport as Nascar), The Mighty Ducks, The Natural, Everyone’s Hero, Cinderella Man, Jerry Maguire, Bull Durham, Happy Gilmore, Brian’s Song, Dodgeball, Invincible, Kingpin, The Hustler, The Color of Money, Bend It Like Beckham, Green Street Hooligans (less about ‘soccer’ then the fanatics who love it, but great none-the-less), Side Out, Days of Thunder, Debbie Does Dallas (just thought I’d sneak that one in), A League of Their Own, The Karate Kid, The Bad News Bears, Airborne, Endless Summer 2, The Power of One (another movie where the sport –boxing- is a tool to tell a much more important story), The Sandlot.

Thoughts?  Feel free to tell me what I missed or why I'm an idiot or what your favorite quotes are, etc..  In fact, I encourage discussions.

Kitty Update 3

It's been a while since I posted about our friend Emma. 

Currently she is in a foster home where they are watching her and making sure she is adjusting to life.  She has over 2000 'fans' on facebook and has recieved support and donations from all types of sources.  There are currently several applications in process for her adoption and she looks to be on her way to a new life with loving parents. 

For more updates please check out her facebook page.  There are videos and pictures and tons of updates for you.
http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/New-York-NY/Emma-her-long-journey-back/231516941351?ref=ts

Thank you all again for your support.

If there are other causes that The Gift can get behind please feel free to send me a note and I'll be glad to get involved as best I can.

Words I Love

As a 'writer' (yeah, I'm calling myself a writer, what about it?), I enjoy words. I don't mean it in the way a math geek dresses as a number for Halloween or the way an engineer has to take apart everything he owns just to put it back together. I'm not obsessive and I don't think about them when I lie in bed at night, but I like words.

While it's true tattoos and piercing are a form of expression there is nothing easier and sometimes harder than words to express oneself. 

Not to be cliche, but words can be more painful than piercings and more everlasting than tattoos. There may be nothing greater than having that person you love most in the world say "I love you" and there may be nothing more painful than having that same person tell you "it's over". 

Just to be clear, I fully believe that there are times when one is at a loss for words or there are just 'no words to describe...'  And I believe that words without context or emotion are meaningless..  But, that's not the point here.

What is the point you ask?  Well, basically I just needed a lead-in to this post..

Below are some words that I think are awesome (in no particular order).

• Purgatory - Any condition or place of temporary punishment, suffering, expiation, or the like.  (A place I'll probably end up after my time on this earth is up..  There is something about this word that I like.  I have no idea why.)
• Schenectady - A city in 'upstate' New York. (It's just fun to say.) 
• Convoluted - Complicated; intricately involved: a convoluted way of describing a simple device.  (I feel like life is often all too convoluted and is enjoyed much more in its simplest form.)  
• Succinct - Expressed in few words; concise; terse.  (One word that says 'get to the point'.)
• Pride - A high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc. (This word says more with less than any other that I know.)
• Awkward - Hard to deal with; difficult; requiring skill, tact, or the like: an awkward situation; an awkward customer. (Maybe my favorite word of all time.  It's aWkWard to say, and to spell.  It's a word that describe itself.)

* All definitions taken from dictionary.com

Duece Duece

OK.  SERIOUSLY..  I don't want to harp, but......If you're going to say that a post is 'poop' please at least leave an Anonymous comment as to why. 

It's totally cool if you don't like a post and I am totally open to criticism (constructive is better, of course), but let me know why you don't like it. 

For example, on the latest post 'Friend Zone' someone has said it was 'poop'.  Why?  Is the content uninteresting or do you disagree with the perspective I have taken or the insights I am sharing.  Do you have experiences to share?  Are you the exception to the rule?  Are you one of those old 'friends' of mine that are foremost in this article???  (either the ones from when I was that naive shmuck, or the ones from when I knew better and flipped the script.)  Do you want to rekindle the 'friendship' or express feelings of your own that have been pent up for years??

If you have insight to share with me, and/or my audience, please don't hold out.  This blog can only be improved by readers comments.

(and to you, yes you, who are thinking of clicking 'poop' on this post, just know that its cliche and not as clever or funny as you think.)

Thank you,

The Gift   

Friend Zone

Well, it appears my run with Ego TV has come to an end.  I guess it's not official (no one has told me as much), but my latest article was submitted over 2-weeks ago and as of yet has still not been posted.  I am not taking it too hard because, as anyone who has frequented their website knows, our general content doesn't really mesh (I'm less 'adult-male, pop-culture' focused).  I did broaden my article topics and it was definitely a learning experience.  Hopefully Ego TV has a few more fans thanks to my writing and maybe some of you saw my stuff over there and have become regular readers of The Gift and The Goods. 

Below is my most recent submission.  Again, not sure it's right for this blog, but I already wrote it, and for the world to miss out would be a shame.  Hopefully you'll like it.

The Friend Zone
Written by “The Gift”

When a guy sees a girl he immediately classifies her – not his type, dateable (the kind of girl he can take home to mom) or f#&kable (hit it and quit it). Shallow as it is, a guy generally won’t even talk to a girl if she doesn’t fit one of those latter two categories. By association, a guy and girl can never really be friends – because he’ll always want more.

For many young and/or naïve men, being friends seems like a good way to develop a relationship with a woman. For the rest of us, we’ll enjoy a laugh at your expense.

What you’re thinking: I’ll get to know this girl. I’ll be there for her; offer my shoulder to cry on if she needs it. I’ll prove myself. I’ll form a bond with her that will eventually work into a relationship.

What she’s thinking: I have a guy who will tell me how beautiful I am, make me feel good about myself, kill spiders for me and listen to me vent about other guys, AND I don’t have to sleep with him.

Your Out: You have at max three hangouts in order to make a move – go for a kiss, ask her out, etc. After that, you’re doomed to the Friend Zone.

Once you’re in the Friend Zone you have only one option. Be bold. I’m not talking about confessing your undying love. In fact, it’s just the opposite. You need to find someone else, pull-away, change the relationship. If you can make her miss you, make her angry, or make her jealous, you may have a chance. You need to force her to feel things for you that she hasn’t before.

I know you’re thinking you can wait it out or just tell her how you feel, but these are sucker moves. Let me tell you why.

Wait it out: So she’s dating other guys and you’re pining. Even if things don’t work out with the other guy, your jealousy will eat at you. And it will show. And once she knows she has you, she doesn’t want you.

Tell her how you feel: Girls want a challenge. She already knows she has you, and your confession only proves her point. She hasn’t developed those feelings for you and she won’t just because you tell her you’d ‘give her the world’ or ‘that no one has ever loved a girl as much as you love her’. You know the expression “you don’t know what you had until you’ve lost it”? Learn it.

If you’re afraid of losing the friendship it’s most likely doomed anyway. Your pent up feelings and jealousy will eventually cause you to alienate yourself or alienate her. Over time that friendship will fade away into nothing and all you’ll be left with are regrets about what might have been.

Your best bet: State your intentions up front. You don’t have to act on them right away, but let her know within those first few hang-outs that she should be evaluating you on the dateability scale. Again, I don’t suggest confessing your undying love. Be subtle initially. Drop little indications of your feelings; compliment her. Then you can get more bold. Tell her you think she’s attractive and that the friendship thing won’t be enough. Tell her you’re willing to put in the time as a friend, but that eventually she’s gonna have to either take a chance on you or on losing you. Make her think about you in a sexual/romantic way. Make her wonder who you really are. Don’t be ‘safe’.

Rilo Kiley / Joey The Rat

Back in college I went with some friends to a concert of the relatively unknown band Ozma (tickets were $7 so even though I didn't know the band I figured what the hell).  Ozma (who have sinced toured with Weezer) turned out to be pretty awesome.  I highly recommend their album 'Rock and Roll Part Three'.

This post, however, is not about Ozma.  This post is about the band which opened for Ozma on that fateful day.  This band was Rilo Kiley - another band I had never heard of. 

Rilo Kiley's music was OK.  They were a good live act, and they have a few songs worthy of a download, but it wasn't the music that caught my attention.  It was the face of the guitarist that was like seeing a ghost.  Can you recognize the face on the left?

Maybe you'll have better luck recognizing the face on the right?

Yes, that is the same face. 

The kid who once played Joey 'The Rat' on Boy Meets World [starring Ben Savage] has joined up with another former child star (Jenny Lewis - Troop Beverly Hills and The Wiz [maybe not coincidentally staring Fred Savage]) to create Rilo Kiley.

Maybe you all don't find this interesting, but it was to me..  Afterall, I spent the majority of my television watching childhood with Cory, Shawn and Topanga. 

-Thank you Dan S. for inviting me to that concert years ago.

Expert Opinion

Now that the football season has concluded (congratulations to the New Orleans Saints) I would like to take a minute to address the so-called 'experts'.

I understand that sports are a tricky business and that assessing talent and the outcome of games can be very challenging.  It is for this reason that professional scouts are highly paid and face tremendous issues in job security.  It is for this reason that gambling on sporting events is possible - if outcomes were guaranteed there would be no vegas odds.

With that said, the so-called media experts (from this point on I'll refer to them as simply as 'experts' - for the sake of ease, despite the misnomer) should be held responsible for their words.  How often has an expert predicted the outcome of a game wrong?  Can we take the superbowl for example where the Indianapolis Colts were the heavy favorite of 'experts' everywhere? 

My issue of course is not with 'experts' predicting the outcome of singular games wrong.  No, my issue is much greater.  It's in the way they talk about players and teams and games and hold no responsibility for what they say. 

In the corporate world, if someone is off on their yearly forecast they have to answer to someone.  Why don't sports 'experts'?  Why are they not accountable? 

When the Houston Texans drafted Mario Williams over Reggie Bush and Vince Young in the 2006 NFL Draft, the team was lamb-basted by the media.  The scouts, the coaches and the ownership were harshly ripped for not taking the flashy Reggie Bush or hometown favorite Vince Young, but instead taking a nobody named Mario Williams.  Yet, while Reggie Bush has failed to live up to his hype (he won a Super Bowl Championship last night, but I didn't see him do much), and Vince Young has already had a stint on suicide watch, Mario Williams has done nothing but been elected to the Pro Bowl twice and help sure up a previously abyssmal defense.

Still has anyone heard one of these 'experts' stand-up and admit they were wrong?  Apologize to the scouts of the Texans, to the ownership, to the fans who had to endure the mass ridicule? 

Do I expect 'experts' to really know everything?  Of course not.  Do I expect them to be right all of the time?  No.  But, I think when they are wrong they should be held accountable.  Maybe we should stop calling them 'experts' and start calling them what they are - 'highly paid commentators whose guesses are no better than the rest of us'.

Domestic Problems - Beautiful Girl

This song is just really beautiful (for lack of a better word) and seems so genuine that it can't help but get into my soul just a little. Let me know if you enjoy it.

(Disclaimer: I don't think this live version sounds as good as the album version, but I couldn't find that online to embed here.)

Lyrics | Domestic Problems lyrics - Beautiful Girl lyrics


Thanks to John F. for introducing me to Domestic Problems almost 10 years ago.

Friends with Talent - Writing

I like marketing.  I like sharing what I love with others.  I also like my friends. 

When my friends do cool things I want others to take note.  This is one of those times. 

http://storiesforchildrenmagazine.org/MuchasSmooches.aspx

Dave Symonds is a good friend of mine and a very talented writer (who focuses on children's books, poems, and the like).  This is his first published piece. 
You will be seeing Dave's work on here from time to time, but I also suspect you'll see it on bookshelves in Barnes and Noble in not to long. 

* If anyone has any publishing connections or tips please send them my way.

(This is my 100th post - are you all still enjoying?)

FUNemployment

I didn't write it, but this is pretty interesting.  Especially for those of us wondering where our next paycheck is coming from.

5 Things More Likely Than You Having A Job

Supremely Questionable

If you watched all of the State of the Union Address on Wednesday, then maybe you are a better American than I.  I caught bits here and there, but by-and-large it was unwatchable.  Political party affiliations and personal beliefs aside, there is no denying that the speech was overly long, full of fluff and empty promises (Obama may very well believe in everything he says, and he may do his best to accomplish each goal, but the fact is that things just don't happen that way in government), and was just flat out hard to sit through - if only because of the ridiculous pauses every 10 seconds for unnecessary standing ovations.

At some point I may read the entire transcript and get into it a little more, but today I just want to touch on the newest Supreme Court Ruling.

On January 21st the Surpreme court overturned a ban on corporate spending on political campaigns.
If you want to know more, there are plenty of sources: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/22/us/politics/22scotus.html.  I'm of course interested in the political/governmental effects, short-term and long-tem, and whether this was a prudent decision, but that's for the mass media to get into.

Instead, I'm wondering what it will do to the corporations themselves and their employees.

• If the company you worked for gave millions of dollars to a party you don't support, would you quit?  Would you speak up? 
• Would you pass on a job at a company that gives to a party you don't support?
• Would you stop buying products/using services made by a company that gives to a party that you don't support?
• Would you sell off your stock options?
• Can the act of a company giving to a political party set the company up for workplace discrimination lawsuits?  ('I support the other party and that's why I can't get promoted...')
• If corporations are involved more in the political process, what will it mean for Unemployment Insurance?  Cobra?  Unions?   
• Corporations obviously have a huge interest in health insurance costs.  How will that effect all this talk of nationalized health insurance?
• Can non-profit companies give money to political campaigns?
• How does the giving of money to a political campaign effect corporation profit sharing? stock dividends?  Who really donates to the campaign?  the company or its workers or its shareholders?

I guess I'm just wondering why this isn't a bigger issue and why it isn't being covered from all angles.

Philly, Philly

If this doesn't evoke some kind of response from my readers, I don't know what will.

http://egotvonline.com/2010/01/28/philadelphia-%E2%80%93-home-of-the-underdog/

Poop

As I assume most of you have noticed, on the bottom of each post are three little boxes - The Goods, Eh, and Poop.  If you click on one it tells me that some anonymous person (I have no way of knowing who) liked, didn't like or was indifferent to my post. It's great feedback for me. 

The problem I'm having is with the 'Poop' selection.  Hey, I know not everything I write is genius and honestly, sometimes I force it just to get a post up, so, 'poop' is a totally valid option from time to time.  But, if you think something I've written is poop, please leave a comment or send an e-mail and let me know why.  Is it that you disagree with what I'm saying, or is it that it's just boring, etc.  The feedback helps me not only create better posts in the future, but if you have a different point of view, or information to add, my readers and I can all benefit from it.

So, please, continue to let me know what you think.  But maybe elaborate a little for me going forward?.

For the Ladies - When That Bill Comes

Hello again my loyal lady readers.  The information provided by 'Small Wonder' in her riveting 'expose' hit on a lot of good points, but one that specifically caught my attention and one that I think often gets overlooked:

What to do when the bill comes after that first dinner date. 

On those first few dates, when two people are getting to know each other, everything has meaning and everything can be interpreted and/or over-analyzed.  Fortunately in our society one of these 'things' has already been figured out for us (previously an unwritten rule, I'm going to put it in writing for you).

As a woman, it is ALWAYS appropriate to offer to pay for your half of the meal on the first few dates.
BUT
If you have interest in pursuing a further relationship you should NEVER actually pay.

Offering to pay shows that you are a genuine person and that you aren't just out for a free meal.  It is a great gesture. 
If the guy allows you to pay, however, it means one of two things.  A) He isn't looking for a second date, or B) he's cheap.  Either way, this is a bad news.

In the same regards, if you insist on paying then it signals to the guy that you are not interested in a second date - you 'feel bad' making him pay because you know this isn't going anywhere and you aren't going to reciprocate down the line. 

To sum up:  Offering to pay on a first date is classy.  Actually paying says there will be no second.

Laws With Flaws

Check it out...

http://egotvonline.com/2010/01/20/laws-with-flaws/

Online Dating Part 2

So my friend "The Gift" asked me if I could write a post about online dating since he has had requests for such a post but no firsthand experience with the subject. I myself am a huge proponent of online dating. When I was in my prime online dating years I even thought about writing a book about it. I was going to call it “E-Wiggle’s Guide to iSkanks”, but then I realized that was a very bad idea - I don’t want everyone to know my secrets. On a more serious note, online dating can and does “work”: meaning that you meet “real people”, not just “sketchy online people”, and you go on real dates with these real people. Online dating helped me meet my current girlfriend of nearly four years and some of my friends even met their wives this way as well. Some of those friends said they’d go back online to find their second wives too (just kidding wives!). So why online dating?

• I did not grow up around where I currently live and I didn’t know many people when I first got here. And, those that I knew were of the male persuasion. No I did NOT go to high school with so and so…
• I work in an (nearly) all male field ergo, no chances of meeting lovely unattached young women at work. Besides, you shouldn’t poo where you eat…
• My mom is over 300 miles away and a goy, and therefore a terrible matchmaker. No mom, I would NOT like to meet another nice Catholic girl (apologies to nice Catholic girls)…
• Meeting women in bars is extraordinarily difficult.
• They serve alcohol in bars.
• A drink or two is the social lubricant. It makes it easier to talk to lovely unattached young women
• But, after pounding drinks with the boys all night waiting for elusive unattached young women to show up drinking has turned our hero into a buffoon.
• Bars are typically loud ergo, difficult to woo lovely unattached young women with conversation skills.
• Bars that are not loud are filled with geezers and mad pricks and therefore zero lovely unattached young women.
• The phenomenon known as the “ladies night out” is far more difficult to split than the atom.
• Ladies go out with their lady friends because they want to spend time with their lady friends, not sketchy dudes hanging out at the bar.
• Singular lovely unattached young women at the bar may or may not be “professionals”. This depends on your neighborhood and how they are dressed. They may just be really into the game or the band. This probably means they are not into you.
• Believe it or not there are some people (both women and men) who did not get enough attention from mom or dad growing up so they like to play a game and see how many digits they can get just for the fun of it. They secretly loathe themselves and will never call back because they feel unworthy of your attention (just like mom or dad). Or, it could be they are already deeply involved in a co-dependent relationship with a like-minded individual.

So, conventional plans to meet lovely unattached young women are for the birds, or perhaps for people too, just not people like me. So, for me, online dating was a real no-brainer. The one thing that everyone on an online dating site has in common is they are there because they are looking to meet someone: unlike in a bar or club as outline above. Women have realized the shortcomings of the bar scene as well and are flocking to online dating sites like the salmon returning to Capistrano. Sure you will have to weed through some crazies, but that is the same situation you have everywhere. Also, rejecting people online and dealing with online rejection are considerably easier than the “real thing”. Just don’t break up with someone you have actually dated via email. A faux pas fo sho.

I will close with a couple of important points for the gentlemen who may now be interested in online dating: Make sure you have a darn good picture (no professional head-shots though, that is weird and creepy), and make sure your profile doesn’t scream “desperate loner / potential axe murderer”. Online dating is like anything else in life. You get out of it what you put into it. It is particularly ironic and illustrative that Ms. Right initially rejected my online advances a couple years before we first got together. The reason for rejection? Crappy pictures and profile verbiage. Everyone, especially lovely, unattached young women, likes a little intrigue. There is no need to put your whole pathetic life story up there. Please, pretty please, just don’t do it. OK? Less is more. For these and other great tips please buy my upcoming book, “E-Wiggle’s Guide to iSkanks”.

Written by: E-Wiggle



Thank you to my guest writers.  You've been very informative.

I know many of my readers have done the online thing.  Tell us about your experiences - successes, ridiculous stories, other websites you've tried and recommend or don't, etc.. Let us all learn from you.

If anyone else has a topic they want me to discuss or look into send me a message and let me know.