Friend Zone

Well, it appears my run with Ego TV has come to an end.  I guess it's not official (no one has told me as much), but my latest article was submitted over 2-weeks ago and as of yet has still not been posted.  I am not taking it too hard because, as anyone who has frequented their website knows, our general content doesn't really mesh (I'm less 'adult-male, pop-culture' focused).  I did broaden my article topics and it was definitely a learning experience.  Hopefully Ego TV has a few more fans thanks to my writing and maybe some of you saw my stuff over there and have become regular readers of The Gift and The Goods. 

Below is my most recent submission.  Again, not sure it's right for this blog, but I already wrote it, and for the world to miss out would be a shame.  Hopefully you'll like it.

The Friend Zone
Written by “The Gift”

When a guy sees a girl he immediately classifies her – not his type, dateable (the kind of girl he can take home to mom) or f#&kable (hit it and quit it). Shallow as it is, a guy generally won’t even talk to a girl if she doesn’t fit one of those latter two categories. By association, a guy and girl can never really be friends – because he’ll always want more.

For many young and/or naïve men, being friends seems like a good way to develop a relationship with a woman. For the rest of us, we’ll enjoy a laugh at your expense.

What you’re thinking: I’ll get to know this girl. I’ll be there for her; offer my shoulder to cry on if she needs it. I’ll prove myself. I’ll form a bond with her that will eventually work into a relationship.

What she’s thinking: I have a guy who will tell me how beautiful I am, make me feel good about myself, kill spiders for me and listen to me vent about other guys, AND I don’t have to sleep with him.

Your Out: You have at max three hangouts in order to make a move – go for a kiss, ask her out, etc. After that, you’re doomed to the Friend Zone.

Once you’re in the Friend Zone you have only one option. Be bold. I’m not talking about confessing your undying love. In fact, it’s just the opposite. You need to find someone else, pull-away, change the relationship. If you can make her miss you, make her angry, or make her jealous, you may have a chance. You need to force her to feel things for you that she hasn’t before.

I know you’re thinking you can wait it out or just tell her how you feel, but these are sucker moves. Let me tell you why.

Wait it out: So she’s dating other guys and you’re pining. Even if things don’t work out with the other guy, your jealousy will eat at you. And it will show. And once she knows she has you, she doesn’t want you.

Tell her how you feel: Girls want a challenge. She already knows she has you, and your confession only proves her point. She hasn’t developed those feelings for you and she won’t just because you tell her you’d ‘give her the world’ or ‘that no one has ever loved a girl as much as you love her’. You know the expression “you don’t know what you had until you’ve lost it”? Learn it.

If you’re afraid of losing the friendship it’s most likely doomed anyway. Your pent up feelings and jealousy will eventually cause you to alienate yourself or alienate her. Over time that friendship will fade away into nothing and all you’ll be left with are regrets about what might have been.

Your best bet: State your intentions up front. You don’t have to act on them right away, but let her know within those first few hang-outs that she should be evaluating you on the dateability scale. Again, I don’t suggest confessing your undying love. Be subtle initially. Drop little indications of your feelings; compliment her. Then you can get more bold. Tell her you think she’s attractive and that the friendship thing won’t be enough. Tell her you’re willing to put in the time as a friend, but that eventually she’s gonna have to either take a chance on you or on losing you. Make her think about you in a sexual/romantic way. Make her wonder who you really are. Don’t be ‘safe’.