Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

I was flicking through the channels on the TV the other day and passed over Disney.  Now, I won't lie, I watch the Disney channel from time to time - if Boy Meets Worlds comes on or a good Pixar film, but that's besides the point.  This particular time I caught an airing of the original Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.  I am posting about this because for some reason it just struck me.  This movie was created in 1937 and from the story line to the animation to the sound effects, it's just amazing.  (I say this, not as a huge fan of Snow White or Cinderella, etc. but as one who appreciates genius and innovation.)  How long could it have taken to hand draw this movie frame by frame?  To make sound effects without the help of b-reel?  It's so easy to take this all for granted, but if you step back and take a second, there is no denying the ingenuity, the hardwork, and the brilliance. 

Thank you to Mr. Walt Disney for changing the game.  There would be no Wall-E or Monsters, Inc. without you.

Mitch Hedberg (February 24, 1968 – March 29, 2005)

Today marks the five year anniversary of the passing of Mitch Hedberg.  I cannot declare Mitch the best comedian of all time (that would be insane), but until his passing he was undeniably right up there - at least with the 2am drunk/stoned/over-tired crowd.

Now, if you don't know who I'm talking about, get yourself to YouTube and check it out.  Below are a few of my favorite gems. (Note: Mitch's humor is in his delivery and relaxed/stoner facade.  Read the below as if the man is not telling a joke, but a real life story.)

"When you buy a box of Ritz crackers, on the back of the box, they have all these suggestions as to what to put on top of the Ritz. "Try it with turkey and cheese. Try it with peanut butter." But I like crackers man, that's why I bought it, 'cause I like crackers! I don't see a suggestion to put a Ritz on top of a Ritz. I didn't buy them because they're little edible plates! You've got no faith in the product itself."

"I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run, he's fuzzy, get out of here."

"This shirt is "dry-clean only"...which means it's dirty."

"One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said,"Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture is of you when you were younger. "Here's a picture of me when I'm older." "You son-of-a-bitch! How'd you pull that off? Lemme see that camera... what's it look like? ""

"I think they could take Sesame seeds off the market and I wouldn't even care. I can't imagine five years from now saying, "Damn, remember Sesame seeds? What happened? All the buns are blank!" They're gonna have to change that McDonald's song: "Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a... bun." How's a Sesame seed stick to a bun? That's fuckin' magical! There's got to be some Sesame seed glue out there! Either that, or they're adhesive on one side. "Take the Sesame seed out, remove the backing, place it on the bun. Now your bun will look spectacular." What does a Sesame seed grow into? I don't know; we never gave them a chance! What the fuck is a Sesame? It's a street! It's a way...to open shit!"

"I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle."

Jon Stewart Loves The Gift

Apparently Jon Stewart has been reading my blog..

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20000803-503544.html

Did anyone else get the follow-up postcard telling you that you should have already recieved the Census?  Are they serious???

And according to the Colbert Report the Census is already over-budget.. Shocking.

KGB

Have you guys seen the commercials for this KGB service?  Basically you text any question you have and they text back the answer.  I think it costs $0.99 per answer or something.

The commercials indicate that you can ask anything and they'll get you an answer.  Well, I'm not gonna waste $0.99 to find out (I'm unemployed afterall), but if I texted them for the name, phone number, and marital status of that cute redhead on their commercials, would they be obligated to provide the information?

What if you ask a question they can't answer?  Is there a 'stump KGB' monetary prize?  Do they have any type of hypocratic oath so questions remain confidential (if they do, I'm sure it's not legally binding)?  Are there inappropriate questions they just won't answer?  Does this 'service' stand a chance of success in this smart-phone age?

Camo? Who You Hiding From?

I don't hunt.  I have never been hunting.  I have shot rifles and handguns, but I have never shot at a living creature.  I don't think as a proud carnivore that I can be morally opposed to hunting, but it's not for me.  I don't have the stomach for it.  Truthfully, I like fishing, but I have trouble taking the fish off the hook, you know?

Yet I digress.  The point of this post is pretty simple.  If hunters are required to wear orange hats or vests - so they themselves don't get shot - what is the point of camoflague?  Are deer blind to the color orange?  Does camo just help put hunters in the right frame of mind?  Is it just for style points?  Would a hunter be equally successful in a Grateful Dead tie-dye shirt?  Would the oxymoronic nature of that situation cause a rip in the space-time continuum?

6 Pack of Questions

OK, maybe that subject line is a little misleading, but puns are easy, and I like easy.. I really only have 1 main question:  Why is beer sold in units of six (6-packs, 12 packs, cases of 24 bottles or 30 cans)?

Is this because the average person drinks 6 beers per sitting?  Or is that how it used to be in the past at least?  What would the average persons BAC be after 6 beers?  (I am sure I can google search that one, but that would really nullify my dramatics here).  Would the cheap cardboard container not hold the weight if increased to hold 8 beers?  If a company came out with a 4-pack would the average male consumer feel emasculated only buying a measley 4 beers?  Would they be inclined to buy 2 of these 4-packs and thus spend more money? 

I understand that at this point 6-packs are the norm and it would virtually be brewery suicide to go away from that, but I want to know why this is the norm?  Who decided on the 6-pack?  I mean, at least with hotdogs an 8 pack makes some sense - with households averaging 4 members that's an even division of 2 dogs per person..

My Place Or Yours

In speaking with some friends the other night, an interesting topic was brought up:  which is safer for a lady - to go to the guys place or to invite him to hers?

Now, obviously prevailing logic is that until you know the other person and feel comfortable you meet at a neutral location and make sure the guy isn't a psycho and the girl isn't crazier than average (all girls are crazy to some extent - and even the ladies who read this blog will admit that).  However, what about when that date goes really well and a nightcap is in order?  Or you just want to get together and watch a movie on the couch? 

As a guy, I've never had to worry about this, so the discussion kind of caught my attention.  Obviously for the girl, her place is a 'home-field' of sorts and there is an air of comfort and security, while the guys place is unknown and who's to say what lies beyond the front door.  On the other hand, it's much easier to run away rather than to push someone (presumably stronger) out of your front door. 

Ladies, any thoughts?  I am not trying to scare anyone and I haven't heard of any nightmare scenarios, but it was just an interesting topic that led me to think about it further and thus blog about it. 

ConCensus

It was brought to my attention that on this years Census form there is a movement in the works for everyone to check "OTHER" under the race category and write-in "AMERICAN."

The person who mentioned this to me and suggested it as a topic for me to discuss (I love when my fans do this) thinks this is an "awesome" idea. I, however, must respectfully disagree.

I think this is a great way to show unity in our country - for, we, are all Americans. However, the truth is, this country is far from unified - from the war-on-terror to abortion and gay marriage 'consensus' in this country is non-existent. Additionally, this country has always been proud of it's diversity and to disregard this on the census would be short-sighted... Despite my personal opinions (which will remain my own and are unimportant) on border closings or illegal immigrants, or the number of visas issued by our government each year, etc. it is important to get these statistics if possible. It is important to learn if efforts to make women equal in the workplace are working (or even if reverse discrimination has taken hold). It is important to know if minorities have the same opportunities of higher education or within the workplace. The bottom line is that although it seems like an innocuous question, taking into account with other information it can be pretty useful.

*Note: I have not as of yet recieved my Census form and have not seen the questions. I am sure if there is something blog worthy once I do, I will be all over it.

** Thank you to Jamer D. for bringing this to my attention.

Common Census

Dear Government Officials Who Love To Take And Waste Our Money,

What the hell are you doing mailing me a letter telling me that you will be mailing out another letter.  Do you truly find it pertinent to waste millions of pounds of paper, tons of printer ink and the time of already disguntled postal workers in order to inform the average citizen that in "about one week from now, you [we] will recieve a 2010 Census form in the mail."?  This is irresponsible both economically but also environmentally.

What is the value of this?  I imagine that in someone's mind this is the same as making a phone call to schedule another, but it's DEFINITELY NOT the same..

In the future, if you could not waste my tax dollars in such a poorly thought out manner I would appreciate it. 

Thank you,

The Gift - who owes A LOT in taxes this year.

Jobs that Deserve More Credit

Here is another installment in the "posts I never truly finished for EgoTV" category. 

Firemen, Policemen, Doctors, and Teachers are all jobs that deserve high praise and generally recieve it.  On the other hand, there are several jobs that deserve credit but generally only recieve it in small circles.  Below are a few of these.

Sales People
When people think sales, many of them think about the stereotypical used car salesman and the dinner-time telemarketer, and a few bad words come to mind. This is unfortunate. Without sales, no business can get off the ground and no business can succeed. A lot of people will tell you that sales is about being able to bullshit – and that is true to some extent – but it’s also about a lot more. It’s about knowing how to interact with people; when to talk and when to listen; when to push and when to give in, but it’s also about knowing your product and competition inside and out. Mostly though it’s about closing, and this is something that takes a special skill. Anyone can buy a drink for the hot girl at the bar, but not anyone can get her home.

Novelists
Uh, is this guy talking about books? Yes, yes I am. Books are to entertainment what the mid-range jumper in basketball – generally not flashy, but equally effective. Sure, television and movies get all the credit, but before they can be made the story must first be written. Authors must be able to write of course, and be good storytellers, but again, it is so much more than that. Authors have to be creative enough to come up with something compelling and interesting and worth reading, and then they have to do what it takes to execute. Take Dan Brown (The DaVinci Code) for instance - regardless of if you like his style or his books. He had to come up with a story line, do the necessary research into the Vatican and religious symbology plus understand the geography of Europe, mix fact with fiction, create characters we could relate to, and tell a compelling story. You don’t just wake up one morning and write a best-selling novel. One book could take years and years and years, and for most writers it’s a side hobby.

Movie Director
Thanks to ‘Entourage’ I can add this to this list. Movie Directors have to not only have a vision for a successful movie, but they have to deal with studio heads, manage actors (and their different personalities and egos), manage film crews, special effects, budgets, schedules, shoot locations, etc. Being a movie director is about a lot more than sitting in a high chair and yelling ‘cut’. To be successful you have to be a salesman, a marketer, an artist, a psychologist, a team-leader and a team player.

The Fresh Air Fund

I like promoting things I believe in, whether music, products, services, or in this case not-for-profits... As people prepare to recieve their tax refunds it seems time for another one of my 'Instant Karma' posts.

“THE FRESH AIR FUND, an independent, not-for-profit agency, has provided free summer vacations to more than 1.7 million New York City children from low-income communities since 1877.

Nearly 10,000 New York City children enjoy free Fresh Air Fund programs annually. In 2008, close to 5,000 children visited volunteer host families in suburbs and small town communities across 13 states from Virginia to Maine and Canada. 3,000 children also attended five Fresh Air camps on a 2,300-acre site in Fishkill, New York. The Fund’s year-round camping program serves an additional 2,000 young people each year.

FRESH AIR CHILDREN
Children are selected to participate in The Fresh Air Fund Friendly Town program based on financial need. Children are from low-income communities. Fresh Air youngsters are registered by more than 90 social service and community organizations in all five boroughs of New York City.

FRESH AIR FUND FRIENDLY TOWN PROGRAM
Fresh Air children, boys and girls from six to 18 years old, visit 300 Fresh Air Friendly Towns in the summer. Fresh Air children on first-time visits to Friendly Town host families are six to 12 years old and stay for up to two weeks. The program also has a special one-week option for New York City families who would like to host children on their summer vacations in the country. Over 65 percent of all children are reinvited to stay with host families, year after year. Reinvited youngsters may continue with The Fund through age 18, and many spend the entire summer in the country. Fresh Air children and volunteer families often form bonds of friendship that last a lifetime.

FRIENDLY TOWN HOST FAMILIES
Fresh Air Fund volunteer host families open their homes to inner-city children for two weeks or more in the summertime. Each Friendly Town community is supervised by a committee of volunteers. Committee members select host families after reviewing their applications, visiting them in their homes and checking their personal references. There are no financial requirements for hosting a Fresh Air child. Most hosts simply want to share their homes with inner-city youngsters. Host families are not paid. The Fund has a program for placing children who have special physical or emotional needs.”

The Fresh Air Fund is always looking for host families, volunteers, and of course monetary donations.

To learn more check out their website or their fanpage on Facebook.

The Turtles - It Ain't Me Babe

When I say 'the Turtles' I bet the majority of you will flash on Michaelangelo, Raphael, Leonardo and my personal favorite Donatello.. Some of you may think of 'Happy Together' and still others will just go blank..

For those who think of 'Happy Together', you've likely been brainwashed like the rest of the mass public.  It's a good song no doubt, but this one is oh so much better.  (Yes, it's a Bob Dylan cover, but no one is comparing The Turtles to the legendary Bob Dylan..  This cover is awesome though.)


the turtles - it ain t me babe

My Life In Song Titles

When I get to reminiscing or thinking about my past, often the memories are accompanied by songs that remind me of that time or that feeling, etc.  My life doesn't have a soundtrack, but it would be cool if it did.. Below is my life in song titles (an albums worth in chronologic order).  

Self-Esteem - The Offspring
Underdog - Yellowcard
Don't Tread On Me - Metallica
History of A Boring Town - Less Than Jake
Smile - Tu Pac
I Want Your Girlfriend To Be My Girlfriend - Real Big Fish
Patiently - Domestic Problems
Got You Where I Want You - The Flys
Mistakes We Knew We Were Making - Mae
All For You - Sister Hazel
Jackass - Green Day
Bitch Went Nuts - Ben Folds
Shattered - O.A.R.
I've Got My Mind Set On You - George Harrison
Only In Dreams - Weezer
Dirty Little Secret - All American Rejects
Vindicated - Dashboard Confessional
Don't Look Back In Anger - Oasis
Shine On - Needtobreathe

* Note: These are all songs I truly enjoy. 
** Note: This is different from 'my life in song lyrics' which I will probably do another time.