Mitch Hedberg (February 24, 1968 – March 29, 2005)

Today marks the five year anniversary of the passing of Mitch Hedberg.  I cannot declare Mitch the best comedian of all time (that would be insane), but until his passing he was undeniably right up there - at least with the 2am drunk/stoned/over-tired crowd.

Now, if you don't know who I'm talking about, get yourself to YouTube and check it out.  Below are a few of my favorite gems. (Note: Mitch's humor is in his delivery and relaxed/stoner facade.  Read the below as if the man is not telling a joke, but a real life story.)

"When you buy a box of Ritz crackers, on the back of the box, they have all these suggestions as to what to put on top of the Ritz. "Try it with turkey and cheese. Try it with peanut butter." But I like crackers man, that's why I bought it, 'cause I like crackers! I don't see a suggestion to put a Ritz on top of a Ritz. I didn't buy them because they're little edible plates! You've got no faith in the product itself."

"I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run, he's fuzzy, get out of here."

"This shirt is "dry-clean only"...which means it's dirty."

"One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said,"Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture is of you when you were younger. "Here's a picture of me when I'm older." "You son-of-a-bitch! How'd you pull that off? Lemme see that camera... what's it look like? ""

"I think they could take Sesame seeds off the market and I wouldn't even care. I can't imagine five years from now saying, "Damn, remember Sesame seeds? What happened? All the buns are blank!" They're gonna have to change that McDonald's song: "Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a... bun." How's a Sesame seed stick to a bun? That's fuckin' magical! There's got to be some Sesame seed glue out there! Either that, or they're adhesive on one side. "Take the Sesame seed out, remove the backing, place it on the bun. Now your bun will look spectacular." What does a Sesame seed grow into? I don't know; we never gave them a chance! What the fuck is a Sesame? It's a street! It's a way...to open shit!"

"I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle."