Leave Me Alone - Michael Jackson

Tonight is the opening of Michael Jackson's 'This Is It'. While it is clearly a gimmick by his family to profit off of his untimely death, it is fitting of the life he lived. In life, he was often taken advantage of (by his father, his brothers and sisters who benefitted from his namesake, and the media - among others), and so too, is he in death.

I choose to remember Michael for his music, his videos and the messages of hope and love that transcended cultures and faiths.

Ordinarily I prefer to post music as audio only because it think it is much more impactful without the distraction of some cheesy music video. I think Michael is the exception. Michael has left me a lot of great songs to choose from, but this has to be my favorite.

'Leave Me Alone'

For the Ladies - Drive It

Ladies, it’s your turn. While you can get away with driving almost anything there are still some rules of thumb worth noting.

-There is something about a woman driving a Jeep Wrangler that bumps her up at least 2 points on the scale. (Typical scale being 1-10)
-->If you’re driving a Wrangler with the top down, the doors off, and your pony tail sticking through the back of a baseball hat, it doesn’t matter what you look like. You’re automatically at least an 8.
-->Disclaimer: Please keep in mind the age appropriateness. No offense, but Wranglers are not meant for 45-year-old women going through their mid-life crisis.

-Don’t drive cars that are obviously too big for you. Women driving Ford Expeditions or Chevy Suburbans, etc. just look tiny in comparison.

-Mini-vans are still for mothers. If you’re driving a mini-van and you’re single, it might not be a coincidence.

-Make sure your car matches your personality. As mentioned in the last post, pick-up trucks portray that rugged, outdoorsy personality. Some guys find that real attractive. Other guys are looking for a girly-girl driving a red Miata. Who are you?

CARnal Knowledge

We all know that cars come with perceptions - Mercedes and BMWs, for example, show status; pick-up trucks portray ruggedness; and Cadillacs are for old people. Here are some more insights for the men. I’ll get to the women in the next post.

- I don’t care if your car is in the shop, or you’re just driving your girlfriend’s car, it is never OK to drive a Ford Focus. Volkswagen Beetles, Jettas, and Dodge Neons are also best left to the ladies.

- Mini-vans serve a purpose. No man shall mock another for driving a mini-van under the following conditions.
--> Carpooling. If 5 or more people occupy this vehicle than it is understood why it is being implemented. (The mini-van is an excellent option for getting large groups of men to bachelor parties for example).
--> Driving a family. Mini-vans have become the vehicle of choice for many families. If it’s practical for your family then do what you must. (Disclaimer: if the family has multiple cars, the wife should be main driver of mini-van and husband should not be caught driving it without excess passengers or cargo.)
--> Moving. There is no denying the space afforded by a mini-van sans backseats. Sometimes it’s just convenient.
--> Teenager. They can’t be picky.

- Saving the planet is a good thing. So is saving money. Going Hybrid is completely acceptable. (As is using your ‘sensitive’ side to pick up women.)

- It is never OK to own a white sedan. I don’t think this point needs any elaboration. White SUV’s are acceptable, but only with copious amounts of dirt and mud.


Previously I would not have bothered to include this, but I want to make one more point clear. The largest faux pas is buying more car than you can afford. In this economy you never know what can happen. Keep in mind also that cars that are expensive to buy are expensive to maintain and repair.

Dear No Fun League, Fine Me!

Recently, I watched the documentary ‘The Band That Wouldn’t Die’, about the Baltimore Colts heading to Indianapolis, and now I read this:
LA tries to Lure NFL Team

I was born and raised in New York and as such my sports allegiances lie with the professional teams from that great state*. Luckily, the teams from the Metropolis area each have strong ownership, loyal fans and make boatloads of cash, so I will never have to worry about my teams moving.

My father, a Brooklyn Dodgers’ fan, watched his team move away as a child, and he hasn’t given his allegiance to another sports team since – I assume out of some rightful bitterness. He watches games now only as a fan of the sport, but no team. He roots for excitement and good play, but his palms don’t sweat with 2-outs in the bottom of the ninth and his heart doesn’t pound during the 2-minute drill. A part of him was clearly stripped away when his beloved Dodgers left town.

I know sports are a business, but they are much more than that. Sports transcend entertainment and become a part of us; the teams we root for become a part of us. For better or worse, Yankees fans carry a sense of increased entitlement and Philadelphia Eagles fans carry a large chip on their shoulders and a reputation, which many dispute, but yet refuse to live down. It’s not just on gameday, though. It’s at the Monday morning meeting, the Wednesday afternoon soccer game, and the Thursday night at the bar. Who we are is in large part due to who we root for. It’s part of our psyche.

I could talk about the money in more depth (and maybe I will in a future post), but anyone who buys the jersey of a particular player knows loyalty. Why doesn’t the NFL? Why don’t team owners show their fans the same loyalty? Most of you have seen Major League (the movie with Charlie Sheen). We watch as an ‘evil’ owner tries to move the Cleveland Indians and we happily root against her. Why doesn’t this lesson translate into real life?

I’ll get into the absurdity of states/taxpayers paying for private stadiums at another time, but if owners want to make more money, they shouldn’t move, they should enhance the product or review the pricing strategy, etc. - more fans will come to games if the team wins, or if ticket prices are more reasonable, or if beers aren’t $9 each… If the NFL wants a team in Los Angeles or somewhere else they should look into expansion rather than alienating an existing fan base.

(Can we also agree that Los Angeles has proven time and again that it won't support a football team? http://www.laalmanac.com/sports/sp02.htm.)

*for full disclosure, I actively root for the Giants/Yankees/Rangers/Knicks

"People Who Died"

Granted this is sort of old news, but I think it's still note worthy.

In mid-September Jim Carroll died of a heart attack at the age of 59. For those who don't know, Jim Carroll was the author of 'The Basketball Diaries' (which he began writing at age 12 - based on his life) and the musician behind the quasi-hit song 'People Who Died'.

Jim Carroll was apparently one of those people who was good at everything he did. A basketball standout, successful musician and an acclaimed writer, his only failure seemed to be kicking his drug habit – which he eventually succeeded at.

I want to say that Jim Carroll’s life should serve as a cautionary tale against drugs and wasted talent, but the truth is his heroin addiction and his later success were undeniably linked. (Disclaimer: He only found success after he sobered up). Instead, Jim Carroll should stand as a reminder that if you have a passion (in his case writing), you should never give up, no matter where life takes you.

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/aw-crap-jim-carroll-1950-2009

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Carroll

Gonna Eat You Up

Why do people (women in particular) say "he/she is so cute I could just eat him/her up" when referring to babies? I have never looked at a cow and said that, or a steak for that matter. And I've never had the urge to eat a puppy... Can anyone enlighten me? I just don't get it.

Monster Debate Conclusion

Welcome to the championship round of our great Monster Debate. I am honored to present our championship matchup: Zombies vs. Vampires. (Winner is in Italics)

Cannibalism vs. Blood Sucking
Taking only the blood is just such a waste.

Undead vs. Immortality
It seems that being the Undead just means you become a mindless being whose only goal is to eat the living. Lame. Immortality comes with it's perks for sure, but who really wants to live forever? Draw.

Shaun of the Dead vs. Once Bitten
In the battle of comedies, a relatively unknown, Jim Carrey carried an otherwise forgettable Once Bitten. Simon Pegg, however, created an instant classic with his parody of Dawn of the Dead.

Zombieland vs. Twilight
I have a penis so I’ve never read or seen Twilight, but I get the idea. Zombieland is one of the best films of 2009.

Resident Evil vs. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
In the pop-culture match up, Resident Evil spawned a movie franchise and a video game. Buffy the Vampire Slayer spawned Kristy Swanson and Sarah Michelle Gellar. No Contest.

Michael Jackson's ‘Thriller’ vs. Vampire Song from Forgetting Sarah Marshall
The Vampire Song in forgetting Sarah Marshall was pretty hilarious and offered great visuals. Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’, however, was revolutionary.

Rob Zombie vs. Dracula, Count Chocula and The Count from Sesame Street
Unfortunately there are no iconic zombies, so we have to settle for Rob Zombie. On the other side, however, two of the most notable Vampires were created exclusively for very young children. Dracula pushes the vampires over the top, but it’s closer than it should be.


There you have it. After some highly scientific research Zombies are champions of the great Monster Debate.


If you have another topic you'd like to see debated please speak up.

A Monster of A Debate

As halloween fast approaches it is time to finally settle the debate of the greatest monsters of all time.

In the early rounds Abominable Snowman, Bigfoot, Werewolves and Mummies were easily defeated. Below are some highlights. (Winners are in Italics).

Teen Wolf vs. Harry and the Hendersons
In the battle of the fictional, short white guy dominating on the basketball court seems more unrealistic than family taking in large hairy pet. Advantage Teen Wolf.

Sasquatch vs. Yeti
In the battle of nicknames 4 letters trumps 9.

Silver Bullets vs. Stake in the Heart
Any Joe Shmo can find a wooden stake. It takes a pro to get silver bullets.

Wolf vs. Bat
If you’re going to turn into a creature, wolf just seems so much more badass.


Stay tuned for our Championship match-up featuring Zombies going head-to-head with Vampires.

Needtobreathe - Shine On

This song has seen me through some tough times. I recommend listening to it while driving with the windows down and the volume way up.



Somewhere between the end
And the point where we begin
There's a fire burning brightly
That's found it's way to dim
When the feeling's gone...

Shine on Shine on
and onto something new its long and overdue
I will remember you
Shine on shine on
And let the other's see you've got your victory
Will you remember me

I was with you in the valley
And up upon that hill
So take just one more step in front of you
For I am with you still you still
And you're not alone

Shine on Shine on
And onto something new its long and overdue
I will remember you
Shine on shine on
And let the other's see you've got your victory
Will you remember me

Can you see my hands are open I am waiting just ahead
And you think you need it all now
But you needed me instead
Shine on shine on shine on shine on won't you won't you shine

Shine on Shine on
And onto something new its long and overdue
I will remember you
Shine on shine on
And let the other's see you've got your victory
Will you remember me

Exploding Noema

The 'Exploding Noema' is: the theory about the moment you can't reconcile the difference between your perception of what should be versus the reality of what is.

It's a pretty deep psychological concept, but more importantly it's just cool to say... Exploding Noema..

Smoke If You Got 'Em

I am sure to post from time to time on our legal system or other political topics, but this came across my news feed today and I gotta say, it's kind of ridiculous.

Canadian trucker fined for smoking on the job

I do not support smoking. In fact I am pretty over-the-top anti-cigarettes, BUT our legal system is supposed to be used to protect its citizens. This is a clear abuse of power. If cigarettes are legal (and they are) truckers should be allowed to smoke in their vehicle (unless of course their employers deny it).. Who are they hurting here?

Art Imitates Life

I know I've mentioned before that I love television. I would think therefore that it's implied that I also love movies. I think the reason I enjoy this media (beyond the obvious entertainment value) is that unlike life, plot lines in television and movies are predictable. I mean, there are very simple formulas for making television and movies work and the inevitable good conquers evil or boy gets girl is just so satisfying (for whatever psychological reason).

In the same vein, I love when television or movies somehow mimic my life and provide deep insight.

If you're wondering where this post is going, here it is. SWINGERS is an amazing movie, but not just for the humor. Take these quotes/scenes for instance. It's some deep stuff. If you haven't seen this movie or haven't seen it recently, I highly suggest you do.

Rob: You don't look at the things you have. You only look at the stuff you don't have. Those guys are right about you, you're money
Mike: Then why won't she call?
Rob: She won't call because you left. She's got her own life to deal with man, and that's in New York. Alright, and she's a sweet girl and I love her to pieces, but **** her man you gotta get on with your life. You gotta let go of the past, and Mikey when you do, I'm telling ya, the future is beautiful, alright. Look out the window. It's sunny everyday here. It's like manifest destiny, don't tell me we didn't make it, we made it. We are here, and everything that has passed is prologue to this. All of the **** that didn't kill us is only... you know, all that ****. You're gonna get over it.
Mike: How did you get over it? I mean, how long did it take?
Rob: Sometimes it still hurts. You know how it is man, it's like you wake up everyday and it hurts a little bit less, and you wake up one day and it doesn't hurt at all. And the funny thing is that, this is kinda weird, but it's like, it's like, you almost miss that pain.
Mike: You miss the pain?
Rob: Yea, for the same reason you miss her. Because you lived with it for so long.


Trent: I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone's *really* hoping makes it happen. I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie, you know, the guy you're not sure whether or not you like yet. You're not sure where he's coming from. Okay? You're a bad man. You're a bad man, Mikey. You're a bad man, bad man.


Mike: Okay, so what if I don't want to give up on her?
Rob: You don't call.
Mike: But you said I don't call if I wanted to give up on her.
Rob: Right.
Mike: So I don't call either way?
Rob: Right.
Mike: So what's the difference?
Rob: There is no difference right now. See, Mike, the only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. But you can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back.
Mike: So the only difference is if I forget about her or just pretend to forget about her?
Rob: Right.
Mike: Well that sucks.
Rob: Yeah, it sucks.
Mike: So it's just like a retroactive decision, then? I mean I could, like, forget about her and then when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her?
Rob: Right. Although probably more likely the opposite.
Mike: What do you mean?
Rob: I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever... but then eventually, you really will forget about her.
Mike: Well what if she comes back first?
Rob: Mmmm... see, that's the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget.
Mike: There's the rub.
Rob: There's the rub.

Pride. Yeah, I Had Some Of That Once

I know it's been a while since I posted... I apologize to my faithful readers. Truth is that I've been lacking inspiration. Well, I finally found some, and it came from an unusual place: the movie 'Coraline'.

I mentioned before that I love quotes. This one grabbed me.

"They say even the proudest spirit can be broken with love." - Coraline's the Other Mother.