For the Ladies: What You Can Learn From Kristen Stewart

I know it's been a while, but there was a time when I sorta, kinda, semi-regularly posted on something "for the ladies".  It's my way of taking my very male-centric attitude (hey, I am a guy after all) and contributing back to my female readers.  Today I'll rekindle that fire - for better or worse. 

To start, Kristen Stewart is the actress who stars in all those vampire movies (Twilight to be more exact), among others.  And now that you know who she is I'm imaging many of my readers with a confused look on their face and a question on their mind: what could I possibly learn from her.

First, let me tell you what I've learned about her and then I'll tell you what you can learn from her.  What I've learned about her is that she is a sex symbol.  Though from looks alone she would hardly seem to match up with some of the world's sexiest women, she still has obtained a certain level of sex appeal. (Of course this is all opinion, but one that seems fairly popular especially amongst the media.) The "why" is what you can learn from Kristen Stewart.

Why are men attracted to Kristen Stewart?  From my own observations I think it boils down to 1 thing - and oddly enough it actually does have to do with her acting.  That 1 thing is her expressions.  It's the way she portrays vulnerability, desire and need.  When she does her signature lip bite and plays the scared or naive or "damaged" female it sends out all the signals that men are genetically geared to attract towards.  I know it's a stereotype and I know that in the 21st century we should be past this, but the fact remains that men want to be needed.  This of course dates back to the beginning of time and still exists today - though admittedly less so. 

There's an old quote that says, "men cheat because they don't feel needed and women cheat because they don't feel loved".  (I wish I could cite this quote but unfortunately I can't remember where I heard it and a quick Google search hasn't provided the source.) Now of course this isn't always true and people cheat for tons of reasons, but I have found validity in this quote.  (I thought long and hard about providing a few "exhibits" from my own life, but, while I'm fairly unabashed and far from ashamed, I've rambled enough without going into the longer stories of my life...)

I guess the overall point here and the key takeaway is not that you, as a lady, should be anything but what you are, but rather understand that guys want to be "guys" (this is a generalization of course).  Telling them and showing them that you need them, that you want them, that they are special - these are things men want.. and hey, isn't it coincidental that it's pretty similar to what [you say] you want [though evidence also proves contrary]. 


Now, I know this post is going to illicit feelings either with or against me.  Speak up.  One way conversations get pretty boring.

For the Ladies: Setting Up Friends

Last night the issue of setting up friends became a topic of importance.  Now, for guys, setting up friends is relatively straight forward.  "Dude, I think she likes you" or "Take a shot"...  BUT, for ladies (as with everything) it's a whole nother situation.  With ladies it's not straight forward.  It's about the games. 

If a girl is trying to set a guy up with her good female friend she inevitably promises to "talk you up" and make a good impression for the guy.  But, this is the kiss of death.  Girls (like guys) like what they can't have.. or at least like the chase (at least a little).  Talking up a guy to your female friend is like saying "yeah, he's totally into you and this is why you should like him back.".  It screams "he's desperate and you're single".  It makes both parties look less than awesome. 
Rather than that, here's some advice... The key is to talk up the girl.  Tell your female friend that she's awesome.  That she's worthy.  That maybe she has the chance.  This makes that female friend think the guy is a catch without actually saying it.  It also allows the guy to make the REAL first move - allowing for the "thrill of the chase" and even more importantly it doesn't leave either feeling like it was a set-up...

*I know some of you are agreeing with me and yet others (who know I'm right - or eventually will) are questioning my expertise.  Well, here it is... I'm that guy.  Or rather, I've been that guy.  I've been in the friend zone.. WAY too often.  But, it has allowed me to see the inner workings.  I know what I know.. and what I know is legit.  (Still, I'm totally open to your feedback -positive or negative)

** And of course, I admit this is GENERALLY speaking... (as is everything I post on this blog.)

Women!

This put a grin on my face.. and seemed worth passing along.

“Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater. Give her sperm, she will give you a baby. Give her a house, she will give you a home. Give her groceries, she will give you a meal. Give her a smile and she will give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what she is given.  So if you give her crap be ready to recieve a ton of Shit.”

At least we know some of that is true.

Thanks Parul D. for sharing.

For the Ladies - When That Bill Comes

Hello again my loyal lady readers.  The information provided by 'Small Wonder' in her riveting 'expose' hit on a lot of good points, but one that specifically caught my attention and one that I think often gets overlooked:

What to do when the bill comes after that first dinner date. 

On those first few dates, when two people are getting to know each other, everything has meaning and everything can be interpreted and/or over-analyzed.  Fortunately in our society one of these 'things' has already been figured out for us (previously an unwritten rule, I'm going to put it in writing for you).

As a woman, it is ALWAYS appropriate to offer to pay for your half of the meal on the first few dates.
BUT
If you have interest in pursuing a further relationship you should NEVER actually pay.

Offering to pay shows that you are a genuine person and that you aren't just out for a free meal.  It is a great gesture. 
If the guy allows you to pay, however, it means one of two things.  A) He isn't looking for a second date, or B) he's cheap.  Either way, this is a bad news.

In the same regards, if you insist on paying then it signals to the guy that you are not interested in a second date - you 'feel bad' making him pay because you know this isn't going anywhere and you aren't going to reciprocate down the line. 

To sum up:  Offering to pay on a first date is classy.  Actually paying says there will be no second.

For the Ladies - Make It Happen

There's a saying I heard a while back that I don't totally remember and that I can't find readily on Google.  BUT, the message was something to the effect of: 'love is when two people are completely content sitting in silence.'  In essence, it's when the silences are no longer awkward; when you can sit next to each other and not feel the need to force a conversation; when you don't need to impress your partner and you're not worried about what he/she is thinking. 

Unfortunately, there are a lot of dates before two people feel this comfortable, and in the mean-time there are inevitably going to be awkward silences.  Whether it's a first date or the first time meeting the parents, or the first 'morning after' there is no avoiding these 'what do I say, what do I do' moments. 

Luckily ladies, I'm here for you.

Sure, you could try to talk about sports or cars or any of the other generic and stereotypical things you think all guys are into, but I've got something better. 

A few days ago I posted a list of comedies.  Learn the quotes to any of these (or other major) movies.  Men live by movie and television quotes.  Whether inspirational or funny or just a tag-line, there is something about quotes that just get stuck in our brains.  How many times have you overheard a group of guys just going back and forth with movie quotes?  Or seen them posted as facebook statuses?  Quoting a movie opens the door to a return quote, a conversation about the movie, a discussion of the quotes meaning, or something else entirely.  If there is nothing else my blog has told you, the one thing you can take from it is that there is a quote for every purpose or every time.  And there are few things that have the ability to seemlessly break silences like a good movie quote.

For the Ladies: Say What You Mean

I feel like it's been a while since I catered to my female audience (and by associate to my male audience), so I thought it was time I dropped a little more knowledge...

Here’s a newsflash ladies… Men don’t understand you. Some are better than others and some fake it like pros, but for the majority of men women are a complete mystery. Don’t leave it up to a man to decode your words or actions.  He will inevitably get it wrong.
Men can’t distinguish between ‘I’m playing hard to get’ and ‘don’t ever talk to me again’, and a man can’t tell when you’re ignoring his messages because you’re playing aloof or you’re just not interested. A man doesn’t know if you’re really busy or if you didn’t answer his call because you’ve already deleted his number. A man can’t tell if it was just a drunk make-out, or if you’re interested in something more.

I know a lot of my women readers are going to retort with the following:
1) We don’t understand men either.
2) Some guys just like the chase, so I have to play hard to get.

Well ladies, yes, men can be complicated too. But as the traditional aggressors, it falls on men to do the hardwork - to put themselves out there and make the first gesture and the first move. Men almost have no choice but to make their intentions clear up front. You can reciprocate.
And women, yes, some men like the chase (just as women like to be pursued). It doesn’t mean you can’t make it a little easier – save some time.  The chase can be fun for a guy - make it interesting - but it can also just get tedious and mess with a guys psyche... Games are OVERRATED.  And, if you aren't interested, don't play games.. It's just not nice.  Trust me, men don’t mind getting rejected up front. It only really bothers a guy after he’s put in some type of effort.

Finally, saying what you mean doesn’t stop at the pre-relationship stage. Being in a long-term relationship with a woman doesn’t give a man the ability to read her mind…

If we all just said what was on our minds - in regards to the opposite sex - life would be a lot easier.

For the Ladies - Drive It

Ladies, it’s your turn. While you can get away with driving almost anything there are still some rules of thumb worth noting.

-There is something about a woman driving a Jeep Wrangler that bumps her up at least 2 points on the scale. (Typical scale being 1-10)
-->If you’re driving a Wrangler with the top down, the doors off, and your pony tail sticking through the back of a baseball hat, it doesn’t matter what you look like. You’re automatically at least an 8.
-->Disclaimer: Please keep in mind the age appropriateness. No offense, but Wranglers are not meant for 45-year-old women going through their mid-life crisis.

-Don’t drive cars that are obviously too big for you. Women driving Ford Expeditions or Chevy Suburbans, etc. just look tiny in comparison.

-Mini-vans are still for mothers. If you’re driving a mini-van and you’re single, it might not be a coincidence.

-Make sure your car matches your personality. As mentioned in the last post, pick-up trucks portray that rugged, outdoorsy personality. Some guys find that real attractive. Other guys are looking for a girly-girl driving a red Miata. Who are you?

For The Ladies - Wear It

Ladies... Speaking for all men, we do appreciate the little black dress, tight jeans, and the obvious garter belt. But, there are some 'everyday' items you can wear that we men find SEXY..

- Baseball hats. A baseball hat, for some reason, brings you down to earth and creates an air of approachability and that's appealing to us guys obviously. Pony tail sticking out of the back isn't necessary, but an added bonus. If the hat has a sports team logo it is also an added bonus. Showing team loyalty is something men can get down with.

- Sports Jerseys. I'm talking fitted not over-sized. There is nothing sexier than a girl that can appreciate sports. This is the best way for you to tell us, 'I'm the kind of girl that will watch the game with on Sunday'.

- Our shirt. You know what I'm talking about. There is something sexy about seeing a girl wearing our button-down shirt (open) the next morning. I guess it just kind of serves as a 'you're mine' kind of moment.

- Glasses. This may come as a shock to women, but a lot of men appreciate a girl in glasses. Maybe not all of the time, but certainly on occassion. Maybe it's that stereotype of education/sophistication. Maybe it's because it makes you seem less superficial. Regardless, it's a good look.

- Sweat Pants. Sweat Pants show that relaxed/comfortable side, which we men find appealing. The bottom line, however, is that we men know if things work out we'll likely see you in sweat pants more than anything else you own (despite the 10 pairs of jeans and 500 pairs of shoes you own). If you can pull off the sweatpants, our future looks bright.


DISCLAIMER- all sports wear (including hats and jerseys) should be in the color of the team. Please don't be fooled into buying pink sports gear. Pink says, 'this looks cute', not 'I'm willing to watch a game with you'.

For The Ladies - Football Etiquette

Being the manly-man that I am, it's hard for me to keep the content of this blog from being male-centric. Obviously I write to what I know/what I care about, and, well, obviously those things aren't fashion, celebrity gossip or lifetime movies. I do want to diversify my audience though and thus I make a conscious effort to have a little something for everyone. So every once in a while I'll post some 'advice'/'tips'/'information' specifically for the ladies.

Ladies, I know some of you are football fans. I know some of you understand the game. I know some of you appreciate the game. I know some of you know the rules and etiquette to watching the game. This posting is not for you.

For the rest of you, if you are only watching the game to impress a guy or bond with your boyfriend, or because your brother/father got to the remote first, here are some tips that will help make the event go much smoother.

- Talking should be limited to commercials, time-outs, and the huddle. When the play is about to begin (and the players are lined up in position) talking is to cease. In 10, 15, or 20 seconds when the play ends you can pick up right where you left off.

- Likewise if your phone rings you are to immediately hit the silence button. If you would like to pick it up and have a conversation don't hesitate. We don't mind. Just be sure to leave the room and our earshot. Our focus must not be interrupted.

- Superstitions are prevalent in sports from the players to the fans. All traditions are to be given the utmost respect. If we have a lucky jersey you are not to wash it at any time without our approval, regardless of smell, stains or how embarassing it is to wear in public.

- If at a bar or the sporting venue, when a big play happens, it is expected that you will high-five everyone within arms reach of you (that is a 360 degree radius). Don't leave those around you hanging (even if the guy behind you looks like Ted Kaczynski).

- We understand that you don't know all of the intricacies of the game and we don't expect you to. We welcome questions. It shows you care enough about us to try to find a shared interest. Please, though remember the above talking rule. We will happily explain offsides and encroachment, and what that penalty was for, but timing is everything.

- Know that if we, at any point during the game, snap at you it is not really directed at you. Obviously the game is not going well and we are frustrated and you likely did not follow the above tips. Don't take it personal.

- Finally, 'sitting through a football game for us' is not grounds for us having dinner with your family or going to a chick flick.