OMG!!!

I hope you all had a good holiday, whatever you celebrate; however you celebrate.

BUT, now that it's all said and done here are some reasons I don't understand 'organized' religion.  (Please take this in the semi-sarcastic/humoristic tone in which it is intended).

Christianity
So when Jesus was killed (presumably for the blasphemy of proclaiming himself the 'King of the Jews') those left behind decided the best way to honor him was to create a different religion?

Judaism
The Jews are known as "The Chosen Ones", but I have to ask what they were chosen for? Since pretty much the beginning of civilization the Jews have only been chosen for death and scapegoatism (can I get a spell check on my made up word??) as best I can tell.

Buddhism
If you’re a good person and meet a certain set of standards, when you die you go to Nirvana, which is, of course, a fancy version of heaven.  But if you’re bad, you’re basically demoted? You can come back as a pig or a goat or something. But here’s what I don’t understand. How do you work your way back up? Do you have to be a good pig to then be reborn as a human? What is a good pig? One who doesn’t roll around in it’s own shit?! What’s a good cow? One who gets lucky enough to be in a Hebrew National hotdog? I mean, they do ‘answer to a higher authority.’” (I'll be taking my stand-up routine on the road shortly).

Islam
Forget radical extremists.  I am not bigoted or naive enough to believe that the majority of Islam are whack-job terrorists.  But, prayer 5 times a day?  Now, that is extreme.  Add that to sleeping and eating and I have to wonder how Muslims have time for anything else.
 
 
As usual this post is meant to get a laugh and inspire thought, as well as maybe provoke some comments/feedback.  Feel free to educate me on the finer religious principles or just rip into me for being an insensitive ass...

To Be A Jew At Christmas – You’re In Good Company

This is the time of year when Jews around the world feel just a little slighted. Owning no ugly Christmas sweaters it’s easy to spot the Jew at the Christmas party, Channukah came and went before the ‘holiday’ sales even started, and everyone you talk to asks what your Christmas plans are or if you’ve finished your shopping. Let’s face it, being a Jew (or non-Christmas celebrating person) this time of year is pretty annoying.

The fact is that although this is a time of year when many Jews feel a little lonely, it’s important to note that you are in good company.

Mila Kunis and Laura Prepon (That 70’s Show) – Apparently there were a lot of hot Jews hanging out in Wisconsin in the 70’s.

Sarah Michelle Gellar and Michelle Trachtenberg (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) – Though their characters on tv always had crosses readily available, there are none to be found on these beauties.

Natalie Portman (Multiple Movies) – Her education, do-good personality, good looks, fluent Hebrew and of course her acting have made Natalie Portman the most sought after female Jewish celebrity.

Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody (The OC) – On television these 2 Jewish actors portrayed the best of the Jewish stereotypes – beautiful girl with a fickle personality and a father who’s a doctor; slightly neurotic geek with a creative streak and a father who’s a lawyer.

Scarlett Johannson (Multiple Movies) – Add Judaism to the long list of reasons Scarlett Johannson was named ‘Sexiest Woman Alive’ by Esquire Magazine in 2006.

Marilyn Monroe, Elizabeth Bank and Isla Fisher (Multiple Movies) – Though all converted the tribe welcomed them with open arms.

Jon Stewart, Jeremy Piven, Paul Rudd, Alyson Hannigan, Jon Favreau, Seth Green, Jonah Hill, Seth Rogen, Sarah Silverman, Adam Sandler, Jerry Seinfeld, Steve Guttenberg, Ben Stiller, Chelsea Handler and Hank Azaria (Comedians and Comedic Actors) – All of these funny people honed their craft in Jewish households.

Bar Rafaeli and Brooke Burke (Modelling) – Can I get an Amen?

Ron Jeremy (Porn Star) – Yes, the Jews are represented in the adult entertainment industry also.

Zac Effron, Daniel Radcliffe, Zack Braff and Shia LeBeouf (Multiple Roles) – Women and 'Tweens alike can enjoy the Jewish Fellas.

Adam Lambert (American Idol) – He’s for the men that like other men. The Gift does not discriminate.

Other Notables (Jewish Actors)

Amanda Bynes (TV Actress)

Ben Stein (Actor/Genius)
Selma Blair (Multiple Movies) - Made out with Sarah Michelle Gellar in 'Cruel Intentions'.  Now, that's some Jew on Jew love.

Winona Ryder (Multiple Movies)

Rashida Jones(Multiple Movies)

Kate Hudson (Multiple Movies) – If you’re a Yankees fan, have you thanked a Jew today?

Soleil Moon Frye (Punky Brewster)

Emannuelle Chriqui (Multiple Movies) – I fell in love with her in the movie ‘100 girls’. I was also a horny high schooler when it came out.

Jamie-Lynn Sigler (The Sopranos) – Jews and I-talians aren’t too disimilar.

Fred and Ben Savage (The Wonder Years, Boy Meets World) – If you didn’t grow up watching one of these shows you didn’t grow up in the 80’s or 90’s.

Mark Feurestein (Actor)

Amanda Peet (Multiple Movies) – We’ve seen her ‘Whole 9 Yards’ and we liked it.

Alicia Silverstone (Multiple Movies) – Clueless and sexy.

Henry Winkler (The Fonz)

Gwenyth Paltrow (Multiple Movies)

Harrison Ford (Multiple Movies)

Rachel Weisz (Multiple Movies)

Noah Wyle (ER)

Leah Remini (Saved By the Bell)

Maggie and Jake Gyllenhaal (Multiple Movies)

Dustin Hoffman (Multiple Movies)

Michael Douglas (Multiple Movies) – Gets a nod because he managed to marry Catherine Zeta- Jones

And this list is only the famous actors. The Jews are also well represented in music, intellectual pursuits and to some extent in sports as well.

To all my Christmas celebrating readers, I wish you the best and hope you enjoy your day. To all the Jews I wish you good Chinese Food and luck getting into whatever movie it is that you are going to see.

Kitty Update 2

I know many of you are anxious for an Emma update.

"She has had an additional surgery on her jaw, is out of her collar, purrs loudly, uses her litter box, grooms herself and loves human attention. She will still need some additional surgery but her progress has been amazing and moving. We are hoping she will begin eating on her own and be rid of her feeding tube, but I haven't heard an update on that."

To date there are 1100 + people who have become 'fans' of her cause on Facebook and together we have raised nearly $5000.

A Decade of Laughter

As 2009 is approaching its end there are going to be a lot of ‘best of 2009’ and ‘best of the decade’ lists. My recent post on the DVD’s releases of Inglourious Basterds and The Hangover gave me the incentive to create one of my own. So now I’ll give you my list of the best comedies of the 2000’s.

(Please note that obviously I haven’t seen every comedy out there. For this list I’m also tending towards the ‘laugh out loud’ comedies. Van Wilder, Shaun of the Dead, and Finding Nemo are all good movies, but they won’t make my list. Maybe I should rename my list ‘Biggest Laughs of the 2000’s’?)

Zoolander (2001)
A cult favorite, this movie gradually grew to mass appeal. I was gonna give you one great memorable quote, but there are too many. If you have somehow missed this movie, you’ve missed out on a lot of laughter.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)
This is the dream for anyone that’s been dumped: to meet someone better and to have the ex- come crawling back only so you can tell him/her to ‘shove-it’.

Anchorman (2004)
Will Ferrell was to the 2000’s what Adam Sandler was to the 90’s, and Anchorman was Will Ferrell’s Billy Madison. I can no longer talk about San Diego without saying “the whale’s vagina”.

Super Troopers (2001)
If you only see the first 5 minutes of this movie you know why it belongs on this list.

Wedding Crashers (2005)
Hilarious plot, good cast, nudity, and a few one-liners. Oh, and Isla Fisher and Rachel McAdams. Everything you need for a top notch comedy.

The Hangover (2009)
I talked about this the other day and I don’t want to belabor the point, but this movie is hilarious.

Zombieland (2009)
When history looks back on the later portion of this decade it will be remembered for wizards (Harry Potter), vampires (Twilight) and adult women reverting to tween status. Somewhere in there, hopefully this movie will serve to balance out the insanity. This is an instant classic.

40 Year Old Virgin (2005)
Like the phone-call scene in ‘Swingers’ much of this movie was just hard to watch. You couldn’t help but feel bad for Andy Stitzer, but you couldn’t help but to laugh at his pain. This movie made Steve Carrell a household name.

Superbad (2007)
When a movie spawns the career of several previously unknown actors you know it was good. Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, Emma Stone, and Seth Rogen have all since gone on and starred in other comedies. “McLovin? What kind of a stupid name is that, Fogell? What, are you trying to be an Irish R&B singer?”

Old School (2003)
Who doesn't wish they could go back to college?


I know many of you will disagree with my list. Tell me why.

Available Now

I'm not a big owner of movies.  Since my VHS tapes went out of style I've always figured DVD's would too and any money I invested would be wasted long-term.  Blu-Ray hasn't yet taken over the market, but it seems inevitable (until the next big things comes around anyway).  If I was the kind of guy that collected movies, however, this would be a big week.  The release of 'Inglourious Basterds' and 'The Hangover' makes it almost possible for me to justify buying $30 DVDs... ALMOST.

Inglourious Basterds is a film that must be taken at face value.  Despite being based around the very real holocaust there is little semblance of historical accuracy.  This farce has a few plot holes, but is well written, well acted, and highly entertaining.  If you want a real WWII story I recommend the Band of Brothers mini-series.  If you're just looking for 2 hours of entertainment Inglourious Basterds is a great choice. 

In my mind, there are 2 types of comedies: those that are full of one-liners intended to make you laugh out, and those that have 'funny' story lines, but less actual laughs.  'Airplane' and 'Spaceballs' would qualify in the first category, while 'Wayne's World' and 'Swingers' fit more in the latter (personal opinions of course).  With that clarification made, if you're looking to laugh your way through a good ab workout, I recommend The Hangover.

Ice Breaker

As you attend all of the holiday parties this weekend and through new years you’ll hopefully have the chance to meet new people. For some, conversation doesn’t come so easily and it can be awkward trying to figure out how to initiate. There will be times when someone introduces you to their 3rd cousin and after exchanging pleasantries you’ll just kind of stare at each and hope for some divine intervention. I’m not God, but maybe I can help.

Below are some easy conversation starters.

- If you were on a deserted island, what 3 albums would you bring along?
- Law and Order SVU or Criminal Intent?
- Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera or Jessica Simpson? Then or now? - the discussion may be different, but this is not surprisingly a unisex question.
- PTI or Around the Horn? - This is probably more for the men.
- What’s your favorite celebrity gossip site? – This is probably more for the ladies.
- Which do you put on first? Your pants or socks?
- Wipe sitting or standing?

Ok, all of these suggestions are kind of a joke, but any if nothing else pops in your head, go for it.

Anyone have other suggestions for topics of conversation?

A Little Self-Promotion

The Gift and The Goods now has a facebook fanpage of its own...

The Gift and The Goods Fanpage

Become a fan. Contribute to the discussion. Give feedback. Give me inspiration for future posts - it's not as easy as you think to continue to come up with things to write everyday.

The Weather Outside is Frightful

The Climate Change Summit is going on in Copenhagen right now and you can hear all about the protests and controversies on television or read about them all over the internet.

This is my favorite ‘news’ source:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
World of Warmcraft
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

I, personally, am not into this whole ‘green’ thing. I believe in global warming and the efforts to counteract it, but I’m not going to sit here and lie about being carbon neutral or whatever. I drive an SUV and I love it. I eat meat and non-organic vegetables. I like to travel and I am absolutely leaving a carbon footprint.

With that said, I must also tell you that I love the other ‘green’ thing – money. The reason I mention this is that there are several things we can do to help our environment and save money. I’m sure this post isn’t going to tell anyone anything they don’t know, but maybe it will be that extra push in the right direction.

- Turn off lights and electronics when you aren’t using them. If you’re only in 1 room of your house or apartment at a time, why would you leave other lights on? That’s a waste of electricity AND money.
- Unplug electronic appliances when you aren’t using them. Even when ‘off’ electronic devices suck energy if plugged in. If you don’t use your toaster everyday, why leave it plugged in? What about your laptop when it’s hibernating?
- Recycle cans and bottles. In most places you’ve paid a deposit on those bottles and sure it’s chump change and maybe there’s a stigma about collecting your $0.05 but a) it’s money and b) it’s good for the environment. 2 birds, 1 stone.
- Turn off or at least turn down the AC when you’re sleeping. Wrap up tight in your blanket and you’ll sleep just as well. Maybe even better with that good feeling of having extra cash in your bank account.
- Turn off the heated drying cycle on your dishwasher. The dishes will air dry just fine.
- Insulate your homes, upgrade to double paned windows, upgrade to more efficient (energy star) appliances. Yes, this is upping the ante a little, but in most cases these are completely worth while investments. You’ll save not only on your utility bills (and eventually make up your costs), but you’ll improve the value of your home. This is, in most cases (do your research before acting), a long-term win.

Any of you have any other good ideas I can impliment in my own life?

Need For Speed

I’ve talking about cars and driving a lot on this blog already and I’m sure to do it a decent amount more, but today’s post focuses on speed limits.

There was a time when speed limits were about safety. Now it’s almost strictly a money making enterprise for state and local officials.

I was going to make this very scientific with facts and figures, but I don’t have that kind of time and likely you don’t want to read 6000 words. Instead I’m going to make some blanket statements (with a ‘fact’ or 2 thrown in) and hope to maybe initiate some thought, discussion and maybe even some individual actions (aka letters to your elected officials).

Like all statistics you can manipulate the ‘facts’ any number of ways. There are studies that say speeding causes more accidents and there are others that say there is no correlation between the two. Truth is, and there is no denying it, speed is a factor in motor vehicle accidents. The faster you drive the less reaction time you have; the faster you drive the less room for error there is. BUT, (and this is a big but) speed alone doesn’t cause accidents. Reckless driving is much more of a factor. It’s tailgaiting, cutting people off, slamming on the breaks, etc. that cause the accidents. It’s talking on a cell phone, texting, and playing with an iPod that causes accidents.

If speed itself were so inherently dangerous would we have NASCAR? I mean, congress is starting to get involved in the helmets football players wear, but they haven’t said a peep about NASCAR drivers. (Yes, I know there are accidents in racing and they have safety in place, but you’re smart people. You know what I’m getting at.)

The bottom line is that, like many of our laws, it’s about money – and it shouldn’t be.

Speed traps are not a myth. And they aren’t set up to protect and/or serve the general public. They are set up in places cops know people ‘speed’ so they can write a ticket and earn their salary (I support police and the work they do, but just as we don’t like getting tickets the majority generally do not like issuing them – it’s just a part of their job). If people are known to ‘speed’ on specific roads, but the incidence of accidents is non-existant wouldn’t it make more sense to review the speed limit?

There is no reason that a 3 lane highway should have a 55mph speed limit. There is no reason cops should pull people over for going 80mph on a highway if there isn’t another car on the road. I guarantee that 100 out of 100 times you drive on the highway (in normal traffic conditions) the flow of traffic is moving at at least 10 mph above the speed limit. Isn’t it more dangerous for the cars to slam on their breaks (which can cause tailgating accidents) when they see a waiting patrol car than to continue on at their cruising speed?

Maybe I’m just rambling at this point, but the moral of this post is that speed limits are by and large a joke and our government is abusing their power. Didn’t we fight a whole war against ‘taxation without representation’? Well, isn’t this exactly the same thing? Speeding tickets are more or less a tax, and I want to know who is representing the driving public? I’d like to see that person’s driving record. I bet there’s a speeding ticket on it.

Kitty Update

As promised here is an update of that beloved kitty - now named Emma.

While she still has a lot to go through, she looks better.  She still has a hard time moving, but she is very affectionate and has been as sociable as can be expected. 

Emma is still not eating and an esophageal tube will be placed later today so that she can get the nourishment she needs to recover.  She also does not yet use her litter box. 

More surgery is definitely in her future and donations are still very much welcomed.

A facebook fan page has been created to help her cause and to keep everyone connected.  Please join and spread the word.  http://www.facebook.com/pages/New-York-NY/Emma-her-long-journey-back/231516941351?ref=nf#/

99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall...

What should happen if one should fall?  What a waste of alcohol. 

It's hard to transition from the last post, but this isn't a blog about pets or charities.  I will continue to use this forum to try and do good now and then, but the goal is mostly to entertain and to provoke discussion, and to be an outlet for my random thoughts..  As mentioned, I will try to give updates on the cat (recently named Emma) as appropriate (expect one tomorrow), but for now, let's try this new post on for size...

What is it about beer (and alcohol in general) that allows us to consume massive amounts.  To have 6 beers during the course of a football game would be considered 'taking it easy'.  If you had the same amount of soda instead you'd be gas-y to say the least.  If you had the same amount of water you'd probably pee every 30 seconds.  If you had the same amount of milk you'd inevitably puke.  Why is alcohol so special?

Let's Make a Difference

This year money has been tight for almost everyone and it's become just a little harder to find the money for a good cause.  Though large organizations (like the American Cancer Society, etc.) do great things, it's often hard to see the results of your donations.  You give what you can, and you maybe get a thank you card and a request for a future donation, but you don't really see the worth of your donation.  That good feeling you have when you the mail the check quickly dissipates. 
It's much more powerful when you can see the result of your goodwill and when you can experience that feeling of benevolence regularly.  This year as the season of giving nears I offer you that chance.
Below is a cause that was brought to my attention today.  If we can save the life of this poor cat I will use this blog to post regular updates and pictures so we can not only feel good about giving today, but hopefully for years to come.


"A volunteer picked up the below cat yesterday from the Euthanasia list, initially, the ACC believed she had been hit by a car- she had severe head injuries, trauma to her jaw and her nasal passage was completely shattered.
A volunteer brought her to a personal vet who removed her eye which was hanging from the socket and cleaned the rest of her head wounds. She is being kept there for monitoring and made it through the first surgery but will need a lot more extensive reconstructive surgeries to live.

The vet said because there weren't any injuries to her body it was unlikely she was hit by a car. The surgeon actually confirmed that she was most likely severely abused using a baseball bat. They also believe she had recently given birth to a litter- how many they don't know and the babies haven't been found yet (they believe they are dead).

While the damage is extensive, the surgeon felt that she could have good quality of life after some more work. As of now, however, she is out of the woods (there was concern she might not survive surgery), and is resting after her long ordeal. We have some donations that have been given specifically for her medical expenses, but given that she will need two more surgeries, they will sadly not be nearly enough. We contacted the Picasso Foundation but they are unable to help at this time.

She has further surgeries that will total about $7000. We have raised about $2000 in the past two days but have a bit to go. I know things are tight with the holidays but if you could even spare $5 it would be a big help in saving this little ones life.  If she gets better there are already people discussing fostering/adopting her.

Below is where you can donate to Anjellicle Cats (Tax Deductable) and make a note that it's for: the unnamed severely injured kitty 12/8/09.  (she will be named when she gets a bit better)

Please click the below site and scroll down to their "Donate" button. It will bring you right to their paypal page:
http://anjelliclecats.homestead.com/index.html

Anything you can spare would help! Thanks so much! Happy Holidays!"
 

"Check Please!"

I recently learned of this on the Colbert Report and I gotta admit, this freaks me out just a little bit..
It definitely seemed worthy of passing along.

"What the ...."

RIAA - It's Not About The Music Anymore

There was a time not too long ago when musicians were in it for the love of the music or to pick up 'chicks' or to get famous.  Sure, there was always the hope for large monetary returns, but it was about a lifestyle.

I do not condone the illegal downloading of music.  I believe musicians should be able to make money for their talent.  I think the RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) is a joke, however.  This isn't about the musicians, this is about lawyers making a buck off of the little guy. 

Read This

If you didn't click the link (really people?), this is about a graduate student (who one can assume is what, like 28 years old maybe) getting fined $675,000 for illegally downloading and sharing 30 songs.  If each of these songs was on a different album and he had to purchase these albums, what are we looking at? 
30 albums x $15 an album = $450.  (And once he purchases the albums, he is free to burn as many CD's for anyone that he wants.) 
Can the RIAA tell me that this kid realistically cost them an additional $674,550 in 'damages'/lost sales?  This kid (and he is still a kid) will be in debt most of his life...  How much of this 'win' is going directly to lawyers?  How much to the record label?  how much to the actual artists? 
On top of the fine, he has now been told he must destroy copies of the music he illegally downloaded.  So after paying $675,000 they won't even let him continue to enjoy the music?? 

This isn't justice.  This is a sham.

For the Ladies: Say What You Mean

I feel like it's been a while since I catered to my female audience (and by associate to my male audience), so I thought it was time I dropped a little more knowledge...

Here’s a newsflash ladies… Men don’t understand you. Some are better than others and some fake it like pros, but for the majority of men women are a complete mystery. Don’t leave it up to a man to decode your words or actions.  He will inevitably get it wrong.
Men can’t distinguish between ‘I’m playing hard to get’ and ‘don’t ever talk to me again’, and a man can’t tell when you’re ignoring his messages because you’re playing aloof or you’re just not interested. A man doesn’t know if you’re really busy or if you didn’t answer his call because you’ve already deleted his number. A man can’t tell if it was just a drunk make-out, or if you’re interested in something more.

I know a lot of my women readers are going to retort with the following:
1) We don’t understand men either.
2) Some guys just like the chase, so I have to play hard to get.

Well ladies, yes, men can be complicated too. But as the traditional aggressors, it falls on men to do the hardwork - to put themselves out there and make the first gesture and the first move. Men almost have no choice but to make their intentions clear up front. You can reciprocate.
And women, yes, some men like the chase (just as women like to be pursued). It doesn’t mean you can’t make it a little easier – save some time.  The chase can be fun for a guy - make it interesting - but it can also just get tedious and mess with a guys psyche... Games are OVERRATED.  And, if you aren't interested, don't play games.. It's just not nice.  Trust me, men don’t mind getting rejected up front. It only really bothers a guy after he’s put in some type of effort.

Finally, saying what you mean doesn’t stop at the pre-relationship stage. Being in a long-term relationship with a woman doesn’t give a man the ability to read her mind…

If we all just said what was on our minds - in regards to the opposite sex - life would be a lot easier.

The Crimson Pride

Coach Paul “Bear” Bryant (most notably of the University of Alabama) was one of the greatest coaches in college football history and in all of sports, for that matter. His motivational speeches have become the stuff of legend.

When I was in Huntsville, Alabama a few years ago on a business trip I had some free time before my meeting and ended up wandering a local mall. During my stroll I came across a banner, which has been prominently displayed above my bed ever since. The simple crimson banner held a quote:

“If you believe in yourself and have dedication and pride… and never quit, you’ll be a winner. The price of victory is high but so are the rewards.”

This seemed an appropriate time to pass this one along, as Alabama prepares to play the University of Florida in the crucial SEC Championship game this weekend.

Theeeee Yankees Win! Theeeee Yankees Win!

There are a lot of sports focused sites and blogs on the web (including these two, less well-known, that I particularly enjoy: Voices In The Crowd and Everyman's Fantasy), and thus I've tried to keep my blog relatively sports free. Truth is though, this is MY blog and sports are a major part of who I am. So, from time-to-time sports will pop up on here. This is one of those times.

The baseball season ended almost a month ago and I tried to let it go, but today on Mike and Mike (a morning talk show on ESPN Radio and ESPN 2) team salaries were discussed. Bitter fans of other teams still want to shout to the world that the Yankees bought their championship.

I know I’ll never convince anyone that this isn’t true. Honestly, maybe to some extent it is. The best players demand the highest salaries and the Yankees have amassed a team full of winners. But we need to go beyond the $201 million dollar payroll (2009 salaries) and look a little deeper. I hoped the mass media would do their job, but they seem content to stay above the surface. I am not going to do all the research (not only because that’s boring, but because this is a blog, not an article for Sports Illustrated), but here are some things to consider - not all facts may be 100% correct since I'm not doing the research, like I already said.

Cost of living/taxes in NY/NYC vs the rest of the country.
-The Houston Astros had a payroll of $102,996,414 in 2009, the 8th highest. What is the cost of living in Houston versus living in NY? What are the income taxes? Money in NY does not go as far as it will in most of the nation. In every industry worker’s salaries are higher in NY than in most of the nation.

American League teams should have higher salaries because they have to pay a DH who plays everyday.
-In the National League there is no DH position. In the American League there are 10 everyday players (9 batters and a pitcher). In the National League the pitcher is a batter as well.

In trading Alex Rodriguez to the Yankees in 2004 the Texas Rangers agree to pay $43 million dollars of his salary.
-Alex Rodriguez, the highest paid baseball player in history ($10 million higher than Manny Ramirez at #2), had a salary of $33 million this year. This obviously skews the total salary of the Yankees. $7 million of that, however, was paid by the Texas Rangers.

Luxury Tax.
-The Yanks certainly spend a lot, but they also pay a lot in the luxury tax. There is evidence that owners of other teams, rather than investing this ‘free’ money on their teams, are pocketing it.

How many teams only sell out games when the Yanks or Sox come to town?
-Yanks make the MLB money. PERIOD.

Yanks won with players who may be paid a lot, but came up in the farm system.
-Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera, Andy Pettite, Jorge Posada, Robinson Cano, Melky Cabrera, Brett Gardner, Phil Hughes, Joba Chamberlain, Alfredo Aceves, and David Robertson, are the highlights of a strong group of home grown talent. Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera were in the top 25 of league salaries in 2009. But they were not ‘bought’, they were compensated for their worth.

Other teams spend a lot, but lose.
-Money isn’t everything. The Mets had the second highest payroll in baseball in 2009 and had a total of 70 wins. The Red Sox spent over $50 million just to talk to Dice-K. How’s that working out?

Ewing Theory
-If you don’t know the Ewing Theory go here.  This says everything I need to.

Anyway, this post (and this blog in general) won’t change people’s opinions. BUT, maybe it will make people think a little more, or dig deeper. Or maybe it will just be interesting to read. That’s OK too...

Polar Bear Plunge

Is there any doubt that the originator of the Polar Bear Plunge was one of the best salespeople of all time?

You know the expression "I could sell ice to Eskimos"?  Well, this guy was probably the closest to ever actually achieve that feat.

Bobby Bowden Gets Seminole Chopped

Well, it’s official. Bobby Bowden, age 80, has ‘retired’ from coaching at Florida State University. I put retired in quotes because clearly he had no real choice. From the mid-80’s to 2000 FSU was at the top of the football heap and it was in no small part due to Bobby Bowden. To those who follow professional sports and understand the beast that is wins + money versus loyalty (see Notre Dame over the last decade for further proof) this forced retirement comes as no surprise. It is still sad none-the-less.

“He died right after he retired, and seeing that made me feel more conscious of a man needing a motive to live. If I ever got out of coaching, I would have to get a job somewhere, or I'm afraid I'd wilt on the vine, too.” – Bobby Bowden on the passing of Coach Paul “Bear” Bryant (most notably of the University of Alabama) in early 1983.

Hopefully this isn’t a self-fulfilling prophecy.


Some other notable quotes from Bobby Bowden over the years:

“After you retire, there’s only one big event left… And I ain’t ready for that.”
“Don’t go to the grave with life unused.”
“If somebody mistreats you, treat ‘em good. That kills ‘em.”
“The winning doesn’t feel as good as the losing does bad.”
“Son, you’ve got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the steering wheel.”

What was the Question?

Allen Iverson, dubbed "The Answer", has recently announced his retirement from the NBA, and though I was never a fan, I respected his grit and toughness and the way he played everyday.  While he will be remembered for many things on and off the court, hopefully he will continue to stay in the public eye.  Perhaps resuming his once promising rap career..

Jewelz (AI) - Last Night


*Though he announced his retirement, Allen Iverson may still return to the NBA (perhaps the 76ers will sign him for a goodbye tour, and to fill some seats).

Thank you Joe G. for bringing this song into my life 4+ years ago.

The Closest I'll Get To Being A Boyscout...

This might have been the most important thing I learned in a college class.  It was definitely the most memorable.

"Take care of the 'what ifs' now, so there are no 'oh shits' later."

Brand New - Sic Transit Gloria... Glory Fades

I feel like it's been a while since I posted a new song. 

I don't know what it is about this song, but it drew me in years ago and hasn't let go...

(As I've said before, I think music is better appreciated without video, but I couldn't find a good audio only version to embed.  Just close your eyes and enjoy the music.)

The Devil is in the Details

Maybe it is true that we ‘learn something new everyday’. But, if that is the case, most of those new bits of information pass seemingly unnoticed into our subconscious. Sometimes though, that new knowledge resonates and we feel a need to pass it along… Isn’t it awesome that I have this blog as a forum for such things?


Like all religions and ethnicities, the Jewish people have faced stereotypes, myths and misnomers for centuries. I won’t propagate any of these, but there is one that has always seemed more outrageous than the rest, ‘Jews have horns’.
I have always believed this ‘myth’ was created to ‘demonize’ the Jews and make them easier scapegoats for things such as the crucifixion of Christ and the fall of the German empire prior to the Holocaust, among other ridiculous accusations. Only yesterday did I learn the truth, and it turns out, this ‘myth’/misnomer, while inconvenient has legitimate roots.

“When Moses comes down from Mount Sinai, Exodus says, his face glows with rays of light. But the Hebrew word for ‘rays’ can also be translated as ‘horns’ – karan vs. keren. When Saint Jerome translated the Old Testament into Latin, he thought no one but Christ should glow with rays of light – so he advanced the secondary translation. And that’s how Michaelangelo carved his Moses. With horns.” – The Rule of Four (written by Ian Caldwell and Dustin Thomason)

And there it is…

Guiltless Pleasures

The term ‘guilty pleasure’ is thrown around a lot.  Maybe it’s because I am so secure in myself, or maybe it’s because I lost my dignity and shame a long time ago, but either way, I don’t really believe in guilty pleasures (for the most part). I think if you enjoy something then you shouldn’t have to hide it.  This especially holds true with music.  Here are some songs that tend to have the label ‘guilty pleasure’, but which I think we all secretly enjoy.

I’d ask you to chime in, but that would totally go in the face of the guilty pleasure principle. So please, cower and enjoy these songs with your windows rolled all the way up.

Walk Like An Egyptian – The Bangles
Who brain doesn’t immediately flash to an image of the ‘Egyptian’ dance when this song comes on?

I’m Too Sexy – Right Said Fred
This song may be the corniest ever written… BUT, don’t pretend you don’t know the words…

I Wanna Dance With Somebody – Whitney Houston
I guess it’s acceptable for women to like this song, but every man has to admit Whitney can belt out a tune.  It’s catchy as hell.

Dress You Up In My Love – Madonna
Wacky as she has become, it’s hard for anyone to admit to liking Madonna, but her musical talent is undeniable (at least in the 80’s and 90’s). And this song rocks.

Summer Girls – LFO
You’ll snicker when it comes on the radio or someone’s iPod, but you won’t turn it off...

Hero – Enrique Iglesias
This one is dedicated to a former roommate of mine who happened to enjoy this song more than most... Sure, it’s about the sappiest song ever written, but everyone wants to be someone else’s hero.

Anything by MC Hammer or Vanilla Ice
Stop; collaborate and listen, Ice is back with a brand new invention: the Hammer Pants.

Comcast.. more like Bombcast.

Sorry for the bad title pun, but...

Can we agree that ‘small’ and ‘fast’ are not mutual exclusive?  It is possible to be both small and fast, right? I mean, it worked for Speedy Gonzalez.

For those who do not have to suffer through Comcast commercials, the latest brainchild is thus:

A small business owner talks about his company. Then we learn how Comcast Internet can make the business run faster. Finally the small business owner tells us “Now I don’t have a small business, I have a fast business.”

For the love of all things grammatical and true, it’s still a small business, even if it’s fast.  And on top of that, 'fast' doesn't even mean efficient or productive.

Comcast- I have to suffer with your crappy service, your ridiculously high bills, and your never ending junk mail.  The least you can do is spend your marketing budget on commercials that make sense.

Take A Ride In My Cameo..

A cameo is when a well-known person makes a brief and often un-promoted appearance in a performance movie or television show. With the emergence of ‘acting troups’ (for lack of a better term) the cameo has re-defined itself. Whenever a Vince Vaughn film is released, you know Jon Favreau, Ben Stiller or an Owen brother is bound to show up. When you watch an Adam Sandler film, you know Rob Schneider will inevitably make an appearance. For me, the best cameos are unexpected and often have comedic overtones. Below are some of my favorite cameos of all time. What are yours?

Danny Glover – Maverick / Martin Sheen – Hot Shots Part Deux
When executed properly it can be very funny when characters/actors reference other works they have starred in together. In Maverick, Danny Glover (cameo) and star Mel Gibson cross paths and after a fleeting ‘I know you, don’t I’ moment, Danny delivers his trademark “I’m too old for this sh*t” which is best known from the Lethal Weapon movies in which the two actors starred together. In Hot Shots Part Deux, Martin Sheen (cameo) and Charlie Sheen, both parodying other movies make a not so-subtle reference to the movie Wall Street in which the father/son duo both starred.

Bob Saget – Half Baked
This one isn’t safe for work and you won’t see it in the television-censored version, but trust me, Bob Saget’s appearance is hilarious.

Lance Armstrong – Dodgeball
Coming off several Tour De France wins Lance Armstrong (playing himself) delivered a smart and funny ‘pep-talk’ to would-be quitter Peter, which alters the course of the movie and directly leads to the dramatic conclusion.

Billy Crystal – The Princess Bride
Playing Miracle Max, a bitter and aged miracle worker Crystal is no throw-away character. Though it’s only a brief appearance, he plays a vital role in the movie, and it’s hard to imagine anyone else in this role. The witty banter between he and has wife is intelligent, funny and expertly delivered.

Lawrence Taylor – The Waterboy
There is no funnier or more well place cameo than that of legendary football player and ‘accussed’ drug addict, Lawrence Taylor in The Waterboy. While the movie itself is average, the one-liner delivered by LT (playing himself) will forever be ingrained in my memory. “Gentlemen, which brings me to my next point: Don’t smoke crack.” The humor, sadly, was only enhanced because two weeks prior to the release of this movie LT was arrested for trying to buy $100 of crack from an undercover agent.

 
So there you have a few of my favorite cameos (off the top of my head).  Tell me yours.

Tax Break

So, we've tried Cash for Clunkers.  And we've given free money to new home buyers.  I have another idea to stimulate the economy...

Let's enact a tax break whereby recent graduates, now claiming themselves independent, can get a one year tax break while they get off their feet and on their own.

I was not naive.  When I got my first job after graduation and began calculating my budget I adjusted for taxes upwards of 25% of my salary.  I knew what kind of lifestyle I would be able to afford.  Still, it was a shock to see nearly 30% of my salary (apparently I underestimated my taxes originally) gone before it hit my bank account.

Today, most graduates have to pay rent, car insurance, gas and electric, groceries, cable and internet, and student loans. Let us also not forget about gas to and from work, as well as set-up costs (like furniture and kitchen accessories).  Additionally, none of this includes extraneous expenses like movies or traveling to stay in touch with friends from college who moved to wherever. The life of a college graduate is very expensive.
A tax break for graduates not only allows our young work force a chance to get off their feet, but it should greatly stimulate the economy.  Unlike older Americans who tend to be established and more focused on long-term financial well-being, graduates are more likely to spend (to pay off student loans, buy furniture for his/her new place, dinner and dates, etc.) rather than save excess money, thus reinvesting it into the economy. 
 
 
This may be a side-note, and I'll probably vent about this later, but let's not forget that the young workforce of American is investing in a social security program that they may never benefit from.  Maybe that one-year tax break will allow those new graduates to start saving for their uncertain future.

Economics 101

I don't claim to be an economist and honestly politics bore me to no end.  With that said, the current state of the economy affects all of us and maybe it's time to speak up.  I have a few questions/issues/ideas for those in power.  Over the next few days or weeks or months (or whenever I feel appropriate) I will raise some of these points.  Whether they make sense to you or not, maybe it will at least stimulate debate and discussion and in some small way, make a difference.  PLEASE comment and let me know if anything makes sense or if I'm the dumbest person alive or if you know anyone of influence who would like to sit down and talk.

Before I blow your mind with my genius, let's start on a small scale.

- If our taxes go towards the building of roads, why do we also have to pay to park on them?
- If our taxes go towards the building of bridges, why do we have to pay to use them?

Thank You

With Veteran's Day right around the corner this seemed fitting.

"It is the soldier, not the reporter who has given us the freedom of the press. It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech. It is the soldier, not the campus organizer, who gives us the freedom to demonstrate. It is the soldier who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protester to burn the flag."

Say What?

This is an excerpt from a conversation overheard at an Iowa bus stop:

"My boyfriend forgot to buy condoms, so I gave him one of my birth control pills. That will work right?"

Can we agree to preach abstinence, but teach sex education?

- Thank you Ryan L. for passing along this gem.

It's No Accident That I've Had No Accidents

I’ve already given some superficial advice on cars, but now, here is some practical knowledge.

Knock on wood, but I’ve only been in one VERY minor accident while driving (I was 17 and even my parents don’t know about it). Anyway, here are some very simple tips for avoiding trouble:

- If someone is driving with both hands (usually at 10 and 2) get away from them. This is a sign he/she is either a newer driver or uncomfortable behind the wheel. A car should be an extension of us. We should be able to guide it easily with one steady hand.

- I scan license plates. If the car has a personalized plate (that isn’t really tacky) I assume that the driver cares about his/her car; that he/she spends a lot of time in it. That he/she knows how to drive. I trust these people (as much as I trust any driver that isn’t me).

- I scan license plates. I notice where the drivers are from. People who aren’t from New York (for instance) think New Yorkers are the worst drivers in the world. Truth is, if you can drive in NYC, you can drive anywhere. If the car in front of me, on the other hand, is from Florida I assume the driver is past his/her prime and his/her eyesight may be going and his/her reflexes may be fading. I’m gonna be real careful until I can visually confirm the driver is not a member of AARP.

- I avoid cars with 3 or more passengers. Drivers can be distracted by phones and ipods and a million other things these days, but most of these are hard to detect from a distance. Four heads in the back window are much easier to spot.

- I’m not saying all women are bad drivers... I’m just not taking the chance that the one next to me is the exception.


While the above tips are for the more advanced, the biggest key to avoiding accidents is to keep alert.
-Notice the pattern of the car in front of you – does the driver have a steady pace or does his/her speed keep changing? Does he/she change lanes a lot? Does he/she come to a smooth stop or slam the breaks?
-Keep an eye on the rear view mirrors - know who is coming up from behind. Are they racing up? Are there other cars in their path? Are they likely to cut you off or ride your a$$?
-Observe what’s next to you - where will you go if the car in front of you stops short? Does the car next to you have a reason to change lanes; to cut you off?

Hopefully this is useful advice. Less accidents on the road are better for everyone.

Thanks Pops for teaching me how to drive.

Butterfly Effect

I’m saddened to say this, but an Ashton Kutcher movie changed my life.

Did I get your attention? Are you vomiting in your mouth a little?

Well, let me explain before you decide to never again visit this blog.

In 2004, The Butterfly Effect, was released in theaters and a few months later I actually got sucked into watching it on HBO. The movie itself was actually not bad (the casting of Amy Smart really helped), but it was the premise of the Butterfly Effect that really caught my attention (this theory/premise is in many movies, but this one has it in the title, so…).
For us laymen, the Butterfly Effect basically implies that even the smallest thing can change everything; that the flapping of a butterfly’s wing can change the atmospheric pressure, which can change the weather, which can cause a monsoon, which can destroy a home…

While the butterfly analogy goes a little far for my tastes, I think it puts real perspective on who each of us is and why. Over the last year I’ve spent a good deal of time evaluating who I am and the life I’ve ‘chosen’. I’ve spent a lot of time wondering ‘what if’. The interesting thing is that I’m noticing the questions stem, not from the big decisions, but the little ones. In fact I’ve noticed that in large part my life has been determined by actions, events and ultimately circumstances out of my control.
Some people say they live life with no regrets; that everything they’ve done – for better or worse – has led them to who they are. While this sentiment is certainly true, and I like who I am, there are absolutely things I would change; words I would take back, actions I would undo, and moves I would make… As I wrote in an earlier post, maybe it’s for the best that we can’t go back and change things, but it sure is interesting to think about.

The Greatest Thing Since...

We’ve all heard the expression “… is the greatest things since sliced bread”. Sure, pre-sliced bread is convenient, but really, this expression is ridiculous. I've therefore taken it upon myself to do a little research and see if we can’t come up with something better.

The Rubber Band – Uses include: keeping papers together, making sure your deck always has 52 cards, accessorizing the wrist, and flinging at friends and/or teachers. There is no doubt the rubber band is one of the most versatile and useful tools created. It was patented in March of 1845.

The Hoodie – There are few things better than putting on a hoodie on a brisk morning. Though its popularity soared in the 1970’s, the hoodies’ roots can be traced back to the cloaks of early Monks. (Please don’t let me catch you with a sweatshirt sans hood.)

The Thong – God bless Rudi Gernreich who invented the thong in 1974.

At this point I could mention computers or DVD players or other trivial nonsense, but eight out of ten men agree that since 1974 there truly is no greater invention. So there you have it; sliced bread is out, and the thong is in.

(All dates and seemingly intelligent information is courtesy of Wikipedia.)

Leave Me Alone - Michael Jackson

Tonight is the opening of Michael Jackson's 'This Is It'. While it is clearly a gimmick by his family to profit off of his untimely death, it is fitting of the life he lived. In life, he was often taken advantage of (by his father, his brothers and sisters who benefitted from his namesake, and the media - among others), and so too, is he in death.

I choose to remember Michael for his music, his videos and the messages of hope and love that transcended cultures and faiths.

Ordinarily I prefer to post music as audio only because it think it is much more impactful without the distraction of some cheesy music video. I think Michael is the exception. Michael has left me a lot of great songs to choose from, but this has to be my favorite.

'Leave Me Alone'

For the Ladies - Drive It

Ladies, it’s your turn. While you can get away with driving almost anything there are still some rules of thumb worth noting.

-There is something about a woman driving a Jeep Wrangler that bumps her up at least 2 points on the scale. (Typical scale being 1-10)
-->If you’re driving a Wrangler with the top down, the doors off, and your pony tail sticking through the back of a baseball hat, it doesn’t matter what you look like. You’re automatically at least an 8.
-->Disclaimer: Please keep in mind the age appropriateness. No offense, but Wranglers are not meant for 45-year-old women going through their mid-life crisis.

-Don’t drive cars that are obviously too big for you. Women driving Ford Expeditions or Chevy Suburbans, etc. just look tiny in comparison.

-Mini-vans are still for mothers. If you’re driving a mini-van and you’re single, it might not be a coincidence.

-Make sure your car matches your personality. As mentioned in the last post, pick-up trucks portray that rugged, outdoorsy personality. Some guys find that real attractive. Other guys are looking for a girly-girl driving a red Miata. Who are you?

CARnal Knowledge

We all know that cars come with perceptions - Mercedes and BMWs, for example, show status; pick-up trucks portray ruggedness; and Cadillacs are for old people. Here are some more insights for the men. I’ll get to the women in the next post.

- I don’t care if your car is in the shop, or you’re just driving your girlfriend’s car, it is never OK to drive a Ford Focus. Volkswagen Beetles, Jettas, and Dodge Neons are also best left to the ladies.

- Mini-vans serve a purpose. No man shall mock another for driving a mini-van under the following conditions.
--> Carpooling. If 5 or more people occupy this vehicle than it is understood why it is being implemented. (The mini-van is an excellent option for getting large groups of men to bachelor parties for example).
--> Driving a family. Mini-vans have become the vehicle of choice for many families. If it’s practical for your family then do what you must. (Disclaimer: if the family has multiple cars, the wife should be main driver of mini-van and husband should not be caught driving it without excess passengers or cargo.)
--> Moving. There is no denying the space afforded by a mini-van sans backseats. Sometimes it’s just convenient.
--> Teenager. They can’t be picky.

- Saving the planet is a good thing. So is saving money. Going Hybrid is completely acceptable. (As is using your ‘sensitive’ side to pick up women.)

- It is never OK to own a white sedan. I don’t think this point needs any elaboration. White SUV’s are acceptable, but only with copious amounts of dirt and mud.


Previously I would not have bothered to include this, but I want to make one more point clear. The largest faux pas is buying more car than you can afford. In this economy you never know what can happen. Keep in mind also that cars that are expensive to buy are expensive to maintain and repair.

Dear No Fun League, Fine Me!

Recently, I watched the documentary ‘The Band That Wouldn’t Die’, about the Baltimore Colts heading to Indianapolis, and now I read this:
LA tries to Lure NFL Team

I was born and raised in New York and as such my sports allegiances lie with the professional teams from that great state*. Luckily, the teams from the Metropolis area each have strong ownership, loyal fans and make boatloads of cash, so I will never have to worry about my teams moving.

My father, a Brooklyn Dodgers’ fan, watched his team move away as a child, and he hasn’t given his allegiance to another sports team since – I assume out of some rightful bitterness. He watches games now only as a fan of the sport, but no team. He roots for excitement and good play, but his palms don’t sweat with 2-outs in the bottom of the ninth and his heart doesn’t pound during the 2-minute drill. A part of him was clearly stripped away when his beloved Dodgers left town.

I know sports are a business, but they are much more than that. Sports transcend entertainment and become a part of us; the teams we root for become a part of us. For better or worse, Yankees fans carry a sense of increased entitlement and Philadelphia Eagles fans carry a large chip on their shoulders and a reputation, which many dispute, but yet refuse to live down. It’s not just on gameday, though. It’s at the Monday morning meeting, the Wednesday afternoon soccer game, and the Thursday night at the bar. Who we are is in large part due to who we root for. It’s part of our psyche.

I could talk about the money in more depth (and maybe I will in a future post), but anyone who buys the jersey of a particular player knows loyalty. Why doesn’t the NFL? Why don’t team owners show their fans the same loyalty? Most of you have seen Major League (the movie with Charlie Sheen). We watch as an ‘evil’ owner tries to move the Cleveland Indians and we happily root against her. Why doesn’t this lesson translate into real life?

I’ll get into the absurdity of states/taxpayers paying for private stadiums at another time, but if owners want to make more money, they shouldn’t move, they should enhance the product or review the pricing strategy, etc. - more fans will come to games if the team wins, or if ticket prices are more reasonable, or if beers aren’t $9 each… If the NFL wants a team in Los Angeles or somewhere else they should look into expansion rather than alienating an existing fan base.

(Can we also agree that Los Angeles has proven time and again that it won't support a football team? http://www.laalmanac.com/sports/sp02.htm.)

*for full disclosure, I actively root for the Giants/Yankees/Rangers/Knicks

"People Who Died"

Granted this is sort of old news, but I think it's still note worthy.

In mid-September Jim Carroll died of a heart attack at the age of 59. For those who don't know, Jim Carroll was the author of 'The Basketball Diaries' (which he began writing at age 12 - based on his life) and the musician behind the quasi-hit song 'People Who Died'.

Jim Carroll was apparently one of those people who was good at everything he did. A basketball standout, successful musician and an acclaimed writer, his only failure seemed to be kicking his drug habit – which he eventually succeeded at.

I want to say that Jim Carroll’s life should serve as a cautionary tale against drugs and wasted talent, but the truth is his heroin addiction and his later success were undeniably linked. (Disclaimer: He only found success after he sobered up). Instead, Jim Carroll should stand as a reminder that if you have a passion (in his case writing), you should never give up, no matter where life takes you.

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/09/aw-crap-jim-carroll-1950-2009

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Carroll

Gonna Eat You Up

Why do people (women in particular) say "he/she is so cute I could just eat him/her up" when referring to babies? I have never looked at a cow and said that, or a steak for that matter. And I've never had the urge to eat a puppy... Can anyone enlighten me? I just don't get it.

Monster Debate Conclusion

Welcome to the championship round of our great Monster Debate. I am honored to present our championship matchup: Zombies vs. Vampires. (Winner is in Italics)

Cannibalism vs. Blood Sucking
Taking only the blood is just such a waste.

Undead vs. Immortality
It seems that being the Undead just means you become a mindless being whose only goal is to eat the living. Lame. Immortality comes with it's perks for sure, but who really wants to live forever? Draw.

Shaun of the Dead vs. Once Bitten
In the battle of comedies, a relatively unknown, Jim Carrey carried an otherwise forgettable Once Bitten. Simon Pegg, however, created an instant classic with his parody of Dawn of the Dead.

Zombieland vs. Twilight
I have a penis so I’ve never read or seen Twilight, but I get the idea. Zombieland is one of the best films of 2009.

Resident Evil vs. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
In the pop-culture match up, Resident Evil spawned a movie franchise and a video game. Buffy the Vampire Slayer spawned Kristy Swanson and Sarah Michelle Gellar. No Contest.

Michael Jackson's ‘Thriller’ vs. Vampire Song from Forgetting Sarah Marshall
The Vampire Song in forgetting Sarah Marshall was pretty hilarious and offered great visuals. Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’, however, was revolutionary.

Rob Zombie vs. Dracula, Count Chocula and The Count from Sesame Street
Unfortunately there are no iconic zombies, so we have to settle for Rob Zombie. On the other side, however, two of the most notable Vampires were created exclusively for very young children. Dracula pushes the vampires over the top, but it’s closer than it should be.


There you have it. After some highly scientific research Zombies are champions of the great Monster Debate.


If you have another topic you'd like to see debated please speak up.

A Monster of A Debate

As halloween fast approaches it is time to finally settle the debate of the greatest monsters of all time.

In the early rounds Abominable Snowman, Bigfoot, Werewolves and Mummies were easily defeated. Below are some highlights. (Winners are in Italics).

Teen Wolf vs. Harry and the Hendersons
In the battle of the fictional, short white guy dominating on the basketball court seems more unrealistic than family taking in large hairy pet. Advantage Teen Wolf.

Sasquatch vs. Yeti
In the battle of nicknames 4 letters trumps 9.

Silver Bullets vs. Stake in the Heart
Any Joe Shmo can find a wooden stake. It takes a pro to get silver bullets.

Wolf vs. Bat
If you’re going to turn into a creature, wolf just seems so much more badass.


Stay tuned for our Championship match-up featuring Zombies going head-to-head with Vampires.

Needtobreathe - Shine On

This song has seen me through some tough times. I recommend listening to it while driving with the windows down and the volume way up.



Somewhere between the end
And the point where we begin
There's a fire burning brightly
That's found it's way to dim
When the feeling's gone...

Shine on Shine on
and onto something new its long and overdue
I will remember you
Shine on shine on
And let the other's see you've got your victory
Will you remember me

I was with you in the valley
And up upon that hill
So take just one more step in front of you
For I am with you still you still
And you're not alone

Shine on Shine on
And onto something new its long and overdue
I will remember you
Shine on shine on
And let the other's see you've got your victory
Will you remember me

Can you see my hands are open I am waiting just ahead
And you think you need it all now
But you needed me instead
Shine on shine on shine on shine on won't you won't you shine

Shine on Shine on
And onto something new its long and overdue
I will remember you
Shine on shine on
And let the other's see you've got your victory
Will you remember me

Exploding Noema

The 'Exploding Noema' is: the theory about the moment you can't reconcile the difference between your perception of what should be versus the reality of what is.

It's a pretty deep psychological concept, but more importantly it's just cool to say... Exploding Noema..

Smoke If You Got 'Em

I am sure to post from time to time on our legal system or other political topics, but this came across my news feed today and I gotta say, it's kind of ridiculous.

Canadian trucker fined for smoking on the job

I do not support smoking. In fact I am pretty over-the-top anti-cigarettes, BUT our legal system is supposed to be used to protect its citizens. This is a clear abuse of power. If cigarettes are legal (and they are) truckers should be allowed to smoke in their vehicle (unless of course their employers deny it).. Who are they hurting here?

Art Imitates Life

I know I've mentioned before that I love television. I would think therefore that it's implied that I also love movies. I think the reason I enjoy this media (beyond the obvious entertainment value) is that unlike life, plot lines in television and movies are predictable. I mean, there are very simple formulas for making television and movies work and the inevitable good conquers evil or boy gets girl is just so satisfying (for whatever psychological reason).

In the same vein, I love when television or movies somehow mimic my life and provide deep insight.

If you're wondering where this post is going, here it is. SWINGERS is an amazing movie, but not just for the humor. Take these quotes/scenes for instance. It's some deep stuff. If you haven't seen this movie or haven't seen it recently, I highly suggest you do.

Rob: You don't look at the things you have. You only look at the stuff you don't have. Those guys are right about you, you're money
Mike: Then why won't she call?
Rob: She won't call because you left. She's got her own life to deal with man, and that's in New York. Alright, and she's a sweet girl and I love her to pieces, but **** her man you gotta get on with your life. You gotta let go of the past, and Mikey when you do, I'm telling ya, the future is beautiful, alright. Look out the window. It's sunny everyday here. It's like manifest destiny, don't tell me we didn't make it, we made it. We are here, and everything that has passed is prologue to this. All of the **** that didn't kill us is only... you know, all that ****. You're gonna get over it.
Mike: How did you get over it? I mean, how long did it take?
Rob: Sometimes it still hurts. You know how it is man, it's like you wake up everyday and it hurts a little bit less, and you wake up one day and it doesn't hurt at all. And the funny thing is that, this is kinda weird, but it's like, it's like, you almost miss that pain.
Mike: You miss the pain?
Rob: Yea, for the same reason you miss her. Because you lived with it for so long.


Trent: I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone's *really* hoping makes it happen. I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie, you know, the guy you're not sure whether or not you like yet. You're not sure where he's coming from. Okay? You're a bad man. You're a bad man, Mikey. You're a bad man, bad man.


Mike: Okay, so what if I don't want to give up on her?
Rob: You don't call.
Mike: But you said I don't call if I wanted to give up on her.
Rob: Right.
Mike: So I don't call either way?
Rob: Right.
Mike: So what's the difference?
Rob: There is no difference right now. See, Mike, the only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. But you can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back.
Mike: So the only difference is if I forget about her or just pretend to forget about her?
Rob: Right.
Mike: Well that sucks.
Rob: Yeah, it sucks.
Mike: So it's just like a retroactive decision, then? I mean I could, like, forget about her and then when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her?
Rob: Right. Although probably more likely the opposite.
Mike: What do you mean?
Rob: I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever... but then eventually, you really will forget about her.
Mike: Well what if she comes back first?
Rob: Mmmm... see, that's the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget.
Mike: There's the rub.
Rob: There's the rub.

Pride. Yeah, I Had Some Of That Once

I know it's been a while since I posted... I apologize to my faithful readers. Truth is that I've been lacking inspiration. Well, I finally found some, and it came from an unusual place: the movie 'Coraline'.

I mentioned before that I love quotes. This one grabbed me.

"They say even the proudest spirit can be broken with love." - Coraline's the Other Mother.

Rock and Roller; Cola Wars... I Can't Take It Anymore

For many soda is that one obstacle we cannot overcome. We know it’s ‘empty sugar calories’ (as my mom would say), but we can’t resolve to drinking water instead. Personally, I’ve kicked the soda happen for months at a time, but it always comes back. I’ve even resorted to trying diet sodas and these new zero calorie knock-offs that claim to have the same taste, but fail at delivering.

The reason I mention this is simple. I discovered something the other day that I thought should be shared.

Calories per 12oz. can of Coca-Cola – 100
Calories per 12oz. can of Pepsi – 150

That’s a HUGE difference. Especially if you drink as much as I do.

I don’t know why Coca-Cola has never used this as a marketing point, but it seems obvious to me. Especially in this time of organic, green and healthy overkill.

If anyone has connections at this global giant I’d be glad to share some ideas with them in return for some steady employment.

The 4-Hour Erection

We’ve all seen the Cialis commercials at this point, and we’ve all laughed at the potential for a 4-hour erection. But, I’ve got a few questions...

Who was the first guy to experience that side-effect? How did that go over? Was he home alone? I mean, I can’t really imagine his wife/girlfriend complaining…

In the commercial they tell you to see a doctor for this condition. How do they treat something like this? Is it just like in the pornos?! Is there a pill that counteracts erections?? If there is, shouldn’t we be giving that out in middle schools to all the embarassed 12 year old boys walking with their notebooks strategically placed?

Hot Chicks in Black and White Flicks

This is genius. I can't wait until they do the movie "300".



Be sure to check out http://secretsauce.tv. Pretty entertaining.

Weezer - Teenage Victory Song

Ok, so you all know who Weezer is at this point, but you likely have never heard this song. It's a B-side. In terms of my favorite Weezer songs it likely falls just below "Only In Dreams" and just above "Say It Ain't So".



I'm gonna bury you
I'm gonna bury you
I don't care what you do
As long as I approve

'Cause you don't know the way I feel
Spinning here inside this wheel
I've been waiting for so long
To sing my teenage victory song
Whoa Lord I'm comin' home

I'm gonna play all night
I'm gonna beat you right
And mash you in the nads
And kick you outta sight

'Cause you don't know the way I feel
Spinning here inside this wheel
I've been waiting for so long
To sing my teenage victory song
Whoa Lord I'm comin' home

C'mon everybody sing along
Lets make them feel dumb
'Cause they were wrong [they were wrong]
We'll dance and sing the night away [night away]
Say you'll stay

'Cause you don't know the way I feel
Spinning here inside this wheel
I've been waiting for so long
To sing my teenage victory song
Whoa Lord I'm comin' home

C'mon everybody sing along [sing along]
Lets make them feel dumb
'Cause they were wrong [they were wrong]
We'll dance and sing the night away [night away]
Say you'll stay

I'm gonna play all night
I'm gonna beat you right
And mash you in the nads
And kick you outta sight

'Cause you don't know the way I feel

"Once and For All'

I know it's an expression. I know it probably found its way into common venacular hundreds of years ago, when the english language was different, but why do we (including myself) say "once and for all"?

As it is said and written we all would appear, at least to me, to use it incorrectly. We use it to mean, more-or-less, 'finally'. For example: 'I am going to find out if she likes me once and for all'. But 'all' doesn't imply longevity, it implies quantity. Therefore this statement would seem to break down to "one time and for everyone".

Is the expression short for 'once and for alWAYS'? can you really abbreviate a sentence? Is that allowed?

Anyway, it just seems to me that 'once and for all' is something the Three Musketeers would say.

On the same note, why do people say 'for good' in context of 'forever'? For example: 'I am quitting college for good.' How did this expression come to be? Couldn't quitting college be considered 'bad'?

You Gotta Adapt

FROM THE NEWYORKER.COM

For Immediate Release
by Paul Simms
August 31, 2009

Alex Kerner (C.E.O., C.O.O., chairman, and president of Alex Kerner’s Personal Life, Inc.) announced today a wide-ranging restructuring of his imaginary company’s upper management.
Tim Williams, a member of the company in varying capacities for five years, has been promoted to Best Friend, and he will report directly to Kerner in all friendship-related matters.
“Tim has proved himself to be a solid guy who’s always up for whatever,” Kerner says. “During the past five years, I’ve watched him excel in every position he’s occupied. From Mere Acquaintance to Periodic Dinner Companion (In Groups of Four or More People) to Frequent Midweek Business-Lunch Cohort, Tim has consistently shown himself to be just the kind of person we’re looking for in a Best Friend.
“Tim’s willingness to charge midweek lunches to his expense account represents just one element in a strategic alliance that will be an asset for both of us far into the future.”
The former holder of the Best Friend position, Lou Solomon, will not be leaving the organization but, rather, will be transitioning into the newly created post of Independent Phone Acquaintance.
“As my Best Friend for the past few years, Lou has shepherded our outfit through more than a few successful endeavors,” Kerner says. “He was our point man on the Night I Puked in a Cab. He was a sage adviser on the Night I Lost One Shoe. And he was indispensable in quickly assembling a crisis-response team on the Night I Lost My Phone but Then We Found It in His Futon.
“Lou also pioneered the ‘poison pill’ defense, whereby we pretended to be Mutual Friends with Tom Monroe, a known dick, thus staving off a hostile-takeover attempt by Jack Houlihan & Friends, L.L.C.
“Drinking and Puking and Losing Things will always be a core part of our business,” Kerner says. “But, as we focus on diversifying into Non-Drinking and Puking and Losing Things-related areas, we feel that Lou’s skills can be put to better use elsewhere. Regardless, I look forward to speaking to Lou every once in a while on the phone if I’m not too busy for many years to come.”
Also affected in the restructuring is Solomon’s girlfriend, Kay Madison, who was increasingly involved in all of Kerner and Solomon’s activities, despite the fact that she technically reported solely to Solomon.
“I wish Kay all the best in her future endeavors,” Kerner says. “I know she was often frustrated by her lack of direct access to me—except through Lou—but I doubt that she’ll be without a solid friendship position for long, as there are many organizations out there looking for a bold, brassy, loud, and opinionated woman who is hell-bent on finding a way to insert herself into every aspect of the friendship structure.”
In a reshuffling move unrelated to the current streamlining, former Best Platonic Female Friend Lisa Mayberry has been summarily terminated from the organization for malfeasance involving telling Kerner’s ex-girlfriend details about Kerner’s current girlfriend.
“We hold all our employees—from Best Friend for Life, Emeritus, on down to ‘Hey, How You Doing, We Don’t Know Each Other’s Names, but We Live in the Same Building’-level Elevator Companions—to a strict standard of conduct,” Kerner says. “And there’s simply no room in this organization for a yappy gossip who I suspect was always just waiting for me to be between girlfriends and depressed so she could try to trick me into sleeping with her.”
Kerner is also exploring a possible merger with a onetime competitor, the Bill Schofield Group. Schofield’s assets include fairly good Knicks season tickets and at least one semi-famous friend.
“We’re not looking to steal Bill’s old college buddy Dan Abrams from him,” Kerner says. “But, if we could become friends with him as part of the bargain, that would represent a win-win for all involved.”
Also, Ahmed Humza—a seven-year veteran in the Friendly but Nameless Newsstand Operator post—has been promoted to the newly created position of Ahmed.
“I’ve been going to that same newsstand every day for seven years,” Kerner says. “I don’t know why, but recently I finally asked the guy what his name is. Though I doubt Ahmed will ever rise to the ‘You’re Allowed in My Apartment’ level of upper management, he will serve as a significant rhetorical asset to be used in arguments about terrorism when the other person says, ‘O.K., but I bet you don’t even have any Arab friends.’ ”
Finally, despite rumors to the contrary, Kerner has reaffirmed that Tom Monroe will continue to fill the post of That Dick.
“I found myself standing next to Tom at a party recently, and we had a cordial conversation,” Kerner says. “But anyone who says that we’re Friends—or even Mutual Tolerators—is sorely mistaken. I want nothing to do with that dick.” ♦

- Thanks for Norman S. for sending this along.

College Education

As students head back to college I feel it is appropriate to relay this message.

"You have four years to be irresponsible here. Relax. Work is for people with jobs. You'll never remember class time, but you'll remember time you wasted hanging out with your friends. So, stay out late. Go out on a Tuesday with your friends when you have a paper due Wednesday. Spend money you don't have. Drink 'til sunrise. The work never ends, but college does..." – Tom Petty

Mr. Petty may be a little over-the-top dramatic, but it's mostly valid. GPA's are over-rated, but credit debt, arrests, and STD's aren't. So have fun, but be careful.

For The Ladies - Wear It

Ladies... Speaking for all men, we do appreciate the little black dress, tight jeans, and the obvious garter belt. But, there are some 'everyday' items you can wear that we men find SEXY..

- Baseball hats. A baseball hat, for some reason, brings you down to earth and creates an air of approachability and that's appealing to us guys obviously. Pony tail sticking out of the back isn't necessary, but an added bonus. If the hat has a sports team logo it is also an added bonus. Showing team loyalty is something men can get down with.

- Sports Jerseys. I'm talking fitted not over-sized. There is nothing sexier than a girl that can appreciate sports. This is the best way for you to tell us, 'I'm the kind of girl that will watch the game with on Sunday'.

- Our shirt. You know what I'm talking about. There is something sexy about seeing a girl wearing our button-down shirt (open) the next morning. I guess it just kind of serves as a 'you're mine' kind of moment.

- Glasses. This may come as a shock to women, but a lot of men appreciate a girl in glasses. Maybe not all of the time, but certainly on occassion. Maybe it's that stereotype of education/sophistication. Maybe it's because it makes you seem less superficial. Regardless, it's a good look.

- Sweat Pants. Sweat Pants show that relaxed/comfortable side, which we men find appealing. The bottom line, however, is that we men know if things work out we'll likely see you in sweat pants more than anything else you own (despite the 10 pairs of jeans and 500 pairs of shoes you own). If you can pull off the sweatpants, our future looks bright.


DISCLAIMER- all sports wear (including hats and jerseys) should be in the color of the team. Please don't be fooled into buying pink sports gear. Pink says, 'this looks cute', not 'I'm willing to watch a game with you'.